For Want of a Nail
by Miandrethal
Summary: I wrote this because I wanted to do a character study of a friendship between Uhura and Kirk and how their relationship helps them both learn how to relate to Spock better. This is a Kirk and Uhura friendship fic mostly, but there is Spock/Uhura goodness
1. Chapter 1 The Nail

_For want of a nail the shoe was lost,  
for want of a shoe the horse was lost,  
for want of a horse the knight was lost,  
for want of a knight the battle was lost,  
for want of a battle the kingdom was lost.  
So a kingdom was lost - all for want of a nail._

The Enterprise was relatively quiet during its slumber hours. The ship's controls were set to mimic the sun cycle of earth, therefore making the transition from ship to shore much easier for its inhabitants. One said inhabitant couldn't quite sleep, couldn't quite turn her mind off. Nyota Uhura had never been a sound sleeper, nor did she ever require much sleep. Even when she was a baby, her mother always said that she was the most difficult, because sleep just never came for her. Spock, early in their physical relationship, and being the ever-observant creature that he was, also noted this quaint idiosyncrasy and questioned if she had Vulcan in her lineage. She'd taken her index finger, tapped him playfully on the nose, and went back to whatever topic she'd been studying on her PADD.

It wasn't that Nyota didn't enjoy sleep, she just didn't require as much as the average human being. So, on nights when she simply couldn't keep herself still, when her brain simply wouldn't shut up, when the noises in her quarters were driving her mind-numbingly insane, she would walk the halls of the Enterprise until reaching her favorite, quiet destination: Observation Deck 1-Alpha. The Enterprise was comprised of a number of observation decks on 78 different decks, but this one was her favorite. This particular deck was slotted within the Alpha Wing of the ship, which consisted of mostly Bridge crew. It was also placed in a strange catty-cornered area, which some people didn't enjoy, but Nyota found to be a better panoramic than that of a strictly boxed observation; on this deck you got an extra corner of the stars. It was truly a place where a person could go and clear their mind without having to worry about forced conversation or rowdy revelers.

Spock was sleeping, which was a rare feat. When the Vulcan slept, he was like a hibernating bear. He rarely slept; much like herself, but when he did exhaustion was ambient and pulled him down into the abyss of sleep. His soft, warm inhalation and exhalations along with a tiny sound resembling a purr in the back of his chest alerted Nyota that he was in the middle of his REM cycle. She smiled knowing that she could slip free from his warm grasp and sneak away to the observation deck without him stirring. She slipped wistfully from his grasp, donned a pair of his gray Starfleet sweats along with the overly-large t-shirt she was currently wearing of his and shuffled out of the door.

When she did this, she didn't race down the hall. The halls of the Enterprise at this time were clear, so she strolled. It was moments like this, when she took the time to slow down that she realized that she was on a space ship, the flagship, the USS Enterprise. Her dream realized, her goals achieved, frightening and calming, a wealth of juxtaposed feelings, now she needed to set new goals and achieve new dreams. Maybe she and Spock would officially bond one day, get married, have a family, but she doubted that. She and Spock were not the family type, she couldn't quite see herself giving up these gleaming white halls whizzing through space faster than the speed of light for a small house in the 'burbs. A ship wasn't a place to raise a family. Nyota wasn't foolish; she knew that no one could have everything.

The door to the observation deck slid open and a smile crept to her face. The view of the stars always made her skin thrum with excitement. _No, _she thought, _I can't see myself with a small house in the suburbs and some quarter-Vulcan kids. I want this and need this. _

"Is the view not pleasing, Lieutenant?" she hadn't noticed that she wasn't alone. Jim Kirk, her Captain, her rather competent leader, a man who had changed her initial impression. She and Kirk didn't speak much since the Academy days, and they really didn't converse much then either. Most of their conversations consisted of him sexually harassing her and her brushing him off with cool, confident ease. Now, he and Spock shared a burgeoning friendship, which had escalated from a mushroom cloud of disdain on the part of both of them. Spock would never admit to having that particular emotion, but it was there.

"No sir, why do you ask?" Uhura responded.

"Call me Jim, and you were shaking your head."

"I was thinking, that's why I come up here. When I can't seem to…"

"_Shut my mind off," _they said in unison, letting their eyes meet one another for the first time that night, possibly the first time in months. They were silent, but it was comfortable, much like sharing a breath in conversation with an old friend.

"I would imagine that you never get time to really stop."

"And you would be correct. There are still some days I wander these halls and in complete shock that I'm here and I'm the fucking Captain. This is my ship, my people. At first it was overwhelming… now, it's still overwhelming," Kirk let out a sigh leaning his forearm against the transparent aluminum of the observation pane. Uhura moved forward, standing still slightly behind him, but closer than she was before.

"You're doing a good job," she said, and he was. He was doing a stellar job. He was exactly the type of leader Starfleet needed. He didn't micromanage; he knew his people's strengths and weaknesses and let them do their jobs. He mourned when there were men lost, he praised when praise was due. Kirk, at the very heart of him, was a Humanist. It took a few moments for Uhura's words to sink in and then she saw his heard turn quickly, those baby blues hopeful and twinkling, and that dashing smile returned to his face.

"Thank you," it was probably the most genuine statement of gratitude that Uhura had ever heard. It warmed her heart and she smile in spite of herself. Kirk could always get a smile out of her; it was part of his charisma.

"So," he said turning to her with that mischievous Kirk grin, "what does your ever-logical boyfriend say about you leaving your consensual bed of sin and trekking down to Ob-1-Alpha?"

"Consensual bed of sin? Just when I think you've matured," she trailed off and stepped closer, rolling her eyes.

"You're wearing his clothes, Lieutenant Uhura; you look like a little girl trying on her daddy's clothes. Adorable, I might add."

"Jealousy doesn't suit you, Jim," she countered back, memories from their past at Starfleet flying through her head.

"It was a fair trade, I think. I got the ship and he got the girl," Kirk shrugged.

"You can't have everything," she said, now standing directly beside him. They both turned back to observe the stars, another comfortable silence ambient.

"I don't believe that," Kirk said, not looking at her. Uhura crossed her arms over her chest and chortled, turning her head sides, eyeing him with an upturned eyebrow. Kirk didn't even look over.

"Oh yes, Mr. I-don't-believe-in-No-win-scenarios. However, this is a universal truth, you can't always get what you want, Kirk. And no matter what you do, this is life you cannot change the conditions of this test."

"Spock did… I mean, the other Spock," Kirk turned to look at her, smug.

"Do you really want to spend the rest of your life cheating?" she countered.

"Yes. If it means turning death into a fighting chance to live, if it means saving just one life, if it means getting to use your first name, if it means I get to have everything I want, then yes," his eyes were cerulean and sober, sparkling like sapphires in the dim lights of the observation deck.

"What do you want, Jim?" Uhura asked.

"Everything."

"All or nothing?"

"All or nothing. I want the ship and I want the girl. I want to know my father and I want him to be a dead hero. I want a family and a farm and I never want to give up the Enterprise for such a provincial life."

"Then you have to choose. You always have to choose."

"It's a real trip being in both the future and the past."

"How is that any different from any other day?"

"None of this fazes you? You don't sit there and wonder what the other you was like? What you and Spock were like? All the things you lost, all the things you gained, just from a tiny paradigm shift, our lives are different," he's not looking at her now, he looking out into the depths of space. She's exasperated; this is an old subject that she doesn't feel like rehashing.

"For want of a nail, the kingdom was lost," she said quietly and he looks up at her, furrowing his brow.

"What?"

"It's a proverb that's been around for centuries; permitting one small undesirable situation will allot for a measured and inevitable worsening."

"The Butterfly Effect," Kirk snorted.

"It's what you're proposing, so that you can experience everything, all of your realities. The only problem is that you can't see past your own want to notice the consequences of playing with something bigger than you. In this case, the case of all of us on the ship, all of those who died in the Battle of Vulcan, Gaila, Spock's mom, billions of Vulcans, the ends do not justify the means. Yes, Ambassador Spock had good intentions, and if he believed in Hell then he's probably there now. Because, not only did his small want for a nail lose the shoe, it most definitely lost the kingdom and both Spock's have to live with it. I could never live with that kind of guilt, I could never reason, or logic, or Kolinahr it away."

She's grabbing his hands now, squeezing them, her voice so wrought with emotion that she can barely contain its volume. He is sure he had never seen her so out of control or so honestly worried. He quietly wonders how Spock could handle such raw, beautiful emotion. She was so feminine, so strong and yet so vulnerable. He'd never seen it before, but she loved with her heart on her sleeve and she loved deeply and thickly. Though she probably couldn't put a name on what she felt for her crew mates, he knew it was more than just friendship. And right there, with her hands squeezing his and candid passion flowing from her mouth, Jim Kirk realized the Nyota Uhura truly loved him, cared for him deeply, admired him enough to stop the ache of insecurity that flowed from not believing he should be the true Captain of the Enterprise.

"You're a Captain of the fucking flagship USS Enterprise, Jim, you have everything, everything in your destiny set right by someone who needed not to fail, you. You're here because of decisions _you_ made, because of choices whether right or wrong _you_ made. So what if you had a relationship with your father in that other reality and he was inspiration. You found new inspiration, Jim, and still from your father just not his life, his death. There may be similarities in personality traits, but it all boils down to the choices we make. Ambassador Spock and the alternate Uhura were never like Spock and I now… I should say Spock never acted on it. We never met before our time on the Enterprise in that reality. Spock and I have known each other since the Academy, since right before I met you. Do you honestly think that I would trade our love, despite everything that happened? I can't even think that way. It doesn't matter what happened in our other realities, this is _my_ reality, alternate or no."

She was breathing deeply and tears stung her eyes but she refused to cry, biting them back with a deep swallow. Kirk was staring at her, his eyes a blank, blue abyss. She could see the wheels turning in his head, mulling over what she'd said. He looked so different from the brazen, confident man that slouches back in the Captains chair on the bridge. She knew he was a genius, but she never guessed that he was this cerebral, this pensive. He was the quintessential Byronic Hero: sexy, broken, brooding, and arrogant. Nyota was thoroughly convinced now that in another world, she loved Kirk. Hell, she loved him now or felt something akin to love starting to bud. She wondered how she never saw how he was so scared and intimidated by his own assailing to the Captain's chair. Though Kirk wanted the Enterprise and rightfully had her, he would do anything to go back and rectify the way he'd taken her. He'd robbed Spock of his chance to command to have what, to Kirk, every Starfleet officer desired. Kirk could steal things, but he could not rob. Nyota wondered if Kirk had ever explained this to Spock when they were playing chess. She wondered if Spock explained to him that he had no desire to command.

"You've had this conversation before, I take it," Kirk said, squeezing her hands and smiling warmly.

"You have no idea. You and Spock are more alike than either of you would care to admit," she pulled her hands away from his and sighed, glad that Kirk had returned to his mask of charm that he wore perfectly. It really wasn't a mask, it was him, and he reasserted it whenever he didn't want to appear weak. He was a Captain after all.

"Really? How so?" Kirk said, rubbing his hands over the spots of his knuckles where Nyota had grabbed.

"You're both stubborn, you're both extremist, you're both foolish, and brash, and cocky, and neither of you have any idea what you want, but despite all of those flaws you're both genius and fantastic at your jobs, and despite the odd pairing, work amazingly well together."

"With all those similarities, why him and not me?" Kirk finally asked the question that had been hanging between them sense the big reveal on the transporter pad.

"I met him first," she state flippantly.

"Love at first sight, huh? I don't buy that, he was a risk the first day you met. I was never a risk. Why him and not me?"

"Just because you were never my instructor doesn't mean that you were never a risk, Jim."

"So you thought about it?" he's staring directly into her eyes, like he does when he's dressing them down. She stares right back, unlike the 1000 yard stare that she was taught to give in Starfleet. They are not Captain and Lieutenant; they are just man and woman at the moment.

"It had crossed my mind, but as I said, I met him first."

"You've given a reason to figure out this time-travel butterfly effect bullshit. I want to be first."

"You want everything, remember," he smirked at this.

"Indeed I do, like an answer to my question, why him and not me?" Kirk asked through the smirk.

"Because he wanted me for my intelligence first and foremost," she was going to continue her rant and was interrupted by a guffaw that shot straight from Kirk's gut. She glared daggers at him.

"I call bullshit. Did he tell you that? Trust me, the first thing Spock liked about you _was not_ your brain. He may be Vulcan but he's still a man and he wanted to fuck you, just like every other man that has ever met you since you got boobs."

"You sound like Gaila."

"Gaila was a mastery of the male sex. She was truly an exquisite lady."

"And you used her to cheat on the Kobayashi Maru," she spat out, still a little upset about his Spock rebuff.

"I did, but we're not talking about me, we talking about you and Spock and why you picked him over me," he's standing at his full height, giving her his best seductive stare. It works for her, but she's so annoyed by now that she couldn't care less about how penetrating his eyes are or how he knows exactly how to tilt his head to make a woman's heart flutter just a bit.

"I've given you more than enough reasons."

"Yeah, but they weren't sufficient enough to form a sample set. I need more. Come on, throw me a bone. Tell me you had a teacher/student fetish, or that you like pointed ears, or that your favorite color is green, something that doesn't sound like pre-destined lovers, yada-yada-yada, because I know you don't believe in that."

"Fine," she leaned in closer to him, playing his game back at him. She eased her body so close that her breasts were almost touching his chest and he could feel the humidity of her breath against her ear as she whispered the words.

"I wanted him to fuck me. Not the way I wanted to fuck you the first time I met you, but in a totally different way. I wanted _him _to fuck _me. _I wanted to see if I could break down all of that Vulcan control and have him just lose himself all over me. And I got my wish. Because the day he did lose all of his control, baby, not even that scene on the bridge when you talked about his mother can compare to what he did to me. He fucked me until I passed out, Jim. This was two months before I met you. So, as I said in my first answer, I. Met. Him. First," she flicked her tongue out to his ear with the last word and then back away just out of his personal space to meet his eyes. To her surprise they weren't wide or round, just normal, amused blue eyes.

"Lying does not become you, Uhura?" he said, and she playfully punched him on the shoulder.

"I cannot believe I just told you that. I hope you got what you wanted," she smiled annoyed but amused as well. It was quiet for a while, allowing for a break in the sexual tension that Uhura's story had just provided.

"What do you want, Uhura?" he asked, both of them still eye to eye. She finally blinks, closes her eyes and smiles ridiculously wide.

"Everything, just like you, just like Spock. But unlike you two fools, I accept that I can't have everything. I make a decision and I don't look back. It may be the wrong decision it may be the right one, but I refuse to live my life in what-ifs. I like what _is_."

"He's lucky to have you, does he know that?"

"He does."

"Is the feeling mutual?"

"It is."

"Could you ever love me, Uhura, the way you do Spock?" he asked, his eyes softening. She thought about the question. She did love him; she would die for him as she knew he would her. She desires Kirk at times, though he frustrated her. And part of her mind shouted that she didn't know what kind of way she loved Spock, though she knew she couldn't be happy without him.

"Could you ever give up the Enterprise for me?" she asked. He exhaled.

"Maybe in another lifetime," he said and she chuckled and they both shared a laugh. It was silent again, but outside of the observation deck they could both hear the ship coming to life. Soon, their time for conversing would be over. He would be Captain and she Lieutenant once more, but they just had to have one last fleeting moment before returning to those roles.

"I chose him because," she spoke up thru the silence, he turned to look at her with inquisitive eyes, "he was the first thing I needed that I didn't want and that's the truth." She started to walk towards the exit.

"How is that any different from me?"

"You're the first thing I wanted and didn't need."

"So you got the best deal. You get the Enterprise, its Captain, and the First Office right here" he said, making a motion like he's wrapping something around his pinky.

"In this reality, I think we all got everything we needed," she turned, the door opening behind her until she heard him speak.

"I agree, Uhura" he watched the last fleeting sway of her hips in rolled up, baggy man sweats.

"Jim," she said his name with warmth and joy. He acknowledged her with his ever-cool nod.

"Yes?"

"You can call me Nyota," she smiled and exited, the door whishing closed behind her. He smiled, shook his head, now he had everything.


	2. Chapter 2 The Shoe

They hadn't spoken in private since that night on the Observation deck. It had been three weeks since that fortuitous night was spent in a conversation that needed to happen. In truth, both Uhura and Kirk knew that their first initial conversation was only a warm-up to many more needed and wanted conversations to come. Neither of them pushed the matter further. If they were going to form a friendship it would have to be organic. Forcing more conversation when there was nothing to say only led to awkward moments and steps backward. After the observation deck, neither Kirk nor Uhura wanted to regress.

She was just off of Beta shift and changed into a comfortable pair of yoga pants and a tank top in her own quarters. She and Spock may be lovers, but Nyota loved her own space and required massive amounts of personal time to recharge. Spock also required time to meditate and work and research. Most nights they would spend in his quarters, singing and playing or making love, or reading books; but when his unerring logic stopped making him quirky and started to make him unnerving, and when her illogical human emotionality stopped making her fascinating and started to make her seem absurd, they both knew it was time to spend some time doing the things that made then individuals. Spock and Nyota, though a couple, were anything but hopeless romantic dreamers. When they started their relationship they were individuals, and logic determines that one and one makes two.

Tonight was her fourth day of solitude and she wanted to be with Spock, and she could tell by his sideways glances and upturned eyebrows that he wanted to be with her as well. Destiny, however, intervened and caused the Delta Shift Captain to come down with Andorian Shingles. Spock naturally insisted that he take on both Alpha and Delta Shifts considering his Vulcan heritage and need for little sleep. Delta Shift was the graveyard shift, right before the morning shift, which is what the Command Bridge crew normally worked with exceptions at times. It seemed that there would be no visiting her lover tonight or for the next few nights. With thoughts on doing some analysis on an encrypted transmission she'd received earlier today from Trill air space, she folded her legs underneath her and curled into the nook of the couch resting her data PADD on the arm. She was just about to access transmission files when a message alert stopped her.

It was a message from Captain James T. Kirk wondering if she would like to join him for dinner and chess in his quarters. He also promised that he'd behave and would even let her beat him in chess.

_Like he would need to, _Nyota thought. She responded that she would be at his quarters within the hour and that he better be ready to lose. She rose from the couch, plugged her PADD into the charging unit, pulled on a pair of small slippers and exited her quarters.

It didn't take her long to make it to the Captain's quarters; she could count on one hand how many times she'd actually been inside. Spock always remarked on how uncharacteristically Spartan Jim's quarters were. Spock had said it appeared almost as if he'd taken none of the memories of his past life with him when he joined Starfleet. It was as if Jim Kirk of Iowa was a ghost that haunted the newly legend Captain James T. Kirk.

She rang the com on the door and it slid open without even so much as a sound. She entered and smelled the most delightful smells coming from his kitchen. She had a kitchenette, the Captain had a kitchen. She see didn't Kirk but she could hear him turning on water and banging pots and pans around. Finally she saw him; he was holding two plates of food and placing them on a nicely set dinner table. There were no candles, no roses, and no low-set lights. He wasn't dressed to seduce in black silk shirts that billowed romantically in the wind. He didn't even have wine. The plates were hard, blue plastic and piled high with pasta and meatballs. This was possibly the most platonic, unromantic setting she could even conjure from a private dinner with Jim in his rooms. She was unbelievably relieved and fantastically surprised.

She grabbed her heaping plate of pasta and dug in, standing instead of sitting. They stuffed their mouths full of pasta and sauce, not saying a word. Nyota choked back a bite of pasta and meatballs and started to speak.

"When I was growing up, my mother used to say that I put a curse on her kitchen because I would stand and eat with my plate in my hand. Spock doesn't care for it either, but his reasoning is not superstition like my mothers," she said and then took another bite of the pasta. It was extremely good and the meatballs were spicy. It reminded her of earth, of being able to walk on the sandy beaches of San Francisco the feel of sand between her toes. Home was so far away, a place that she could feel in her senses, in the warm memories that etched over her mind. She could paper the skies with her reminiscences and momentary want for tactile earth and still never want to step off the Enterprise. She would probably be removed kicking and screaming from this ship.

"Are you saying that we should sit down before we curse this kitchen?" he asked, walking the small distance from the kitchen to the round table in a small nook. She followed suit and sat.

"Either my mother is the best cook on this side of Alpha Centauri or that superstition is unwarranted. We never wanted for delicious food," she smirked and took another bite, some of the sauce flying up and hitting her on her nose. Kirk chuckled as he watched Uhura wipe the pasta sauce from the tip of her perfect nose. And how did he notice that her nose was perfect? He wouldn't allow his thoughts to travel down that road. He was past the frat boy lust and catcalls that he used in previous encounters. What they'd shared with one another 3 weeks prior was something real. It was probably the most authentic moments of his life. Honesty and candid conversation were worth unfathomable amounts more than any of the sex he'd ever had. She hadn't given him her body or her heart, she'd bared her soul and he, in turn, wanted to bare his.

"Not that I ever used anything but the replicator until tonight," he wiped his mouth and stood from the table walking over to the chiller and pulling out one beer. He motioned to her asking her if she'd join him in imbibing and she nodded and slurped another noodle. He popped open the tops and sat down an ice cold beer in front of her. She grabbed the longneck and chugged, washing down the mixed flavors of acidic tomato and spicy beef and nutty pasta with a heavy, dark Guiness. This was planet earth at its finest: two human beings, enjoying being human with truly human inventions. It was simplistic in its beauty and the sentiments were not lost on either of the two parties.

"I didn't know you cooked. This is really good," she said, taking another swig from the Guiness.

"I can cook, but I'm no chef or anything like that. I can cook easy stuff, I had to learn when I was left at home and my mother went off planet. Me and my brother George would take turns cooking for Frank." he didn't look at her and he didn't sound like there was much more to discuss, but Uhura could tell there was something hiding between the thin lines that Jim Kirk draws so near. He wanted her to ask, he wanted her to pry, to feel sorry for his hard upbringing without a father and periodically without a mother. He wanted to suck her into his vague mentioning of people in his life in his past, the people that possibly damaged him more than he would ever care to admit. Uhura knew Kirk's past, she could see right through his cockiness right down to the marrow and well of insecurities. She could see where it all started. It was her gift, she was always capable of knowing intrinsically without direction or instruction how things were put together, how things fit. She could see patterns where others saw chaos. Kirk had pain, deep, unresolved pain. Who didn't? She shrugged inwardly and continued to eat.

Casual silence was something that she and Spock had not been able to share for months. It seemed as if she and Kirk had fallen into casual silence almost immediately. Kirk was just one of those men that you felt instantly comfortable around, and he admittedly, had a way with women. They stared at one another, bellies full, leaning back on the chair, beers in hand. This was comfortable.

"You know, it's been 3 weeks since the last time we saw talked privately," Uhura stated.

"You were counting down the days until you could be alone with me, Nyota? How will Spock react when he finds out I'm stealing his girlfriend…" Jim trailed off. She rolled her eyes.

"You said you'd behave," she took a swig.

"This **is** behaving."

"I'll agree. I walked in here expecting to be seduced," she smiled.

"And yet you still came, so the notion wasn't that unappealing" Kirk said, his eyes wandering around the room.

"I was hungry," she responded and lowered her eyes to the beer bottle in her hands.

"Indeed. Well, I can still try to seduce you if you want me to," Jim smiled mischievously.

"You should have thought of that before you put so much garlic in the spaghetti."

"Dammit! Foiled again!" They both shared a laugh. Jim stood, grabbed her plate and walked into his kitchen to drop the plates into the refresher. He pushed a button the refresher hummed to life. He turned around to see Uhura traipsing his quarters and gave himself a moment to admire the sight.

She always struck an impressive figure, whether she were in her Regulations or bumming in a pair of tight yoga pants and a shirt that belonged to her lover. Kirk liked the way she looked in his quarters, so casual, so beautiful. She was looking at the pictures on a small shelf in the corner. She was leaning back to examine the picture at the top, the one he knew was of his mother and father and brother when his mother was pregnant with him. She put her beer on the steel shelf, trading the contents of her hand for the picture that so intrigued her. He watched her study it closely.

"That's my mom and my dad. And my mom's not fat, she's pregnant with me. The lil' guy on my dad's knee is my brother, Sam," Kirk said as he walked toward her.

"You look like your father," she said, setting it down and picking her beer back up.

"So I've been told. Sam looks like mom. What's your family like?" he asked her.

"Not big at all. It's just me and my parents," she shrugged.

"Ah, only child, that makes sense," Kirk responded devilishly.

"What is that supposed to mean?" she responded.

"Only children tend to be assertive, perfectionist, highly intelligent. It's just another piece in the Nyota Uhura puzzle. What's your mom and dad like?"

"They're both educators, both professors. Instead of bedtime stories my father would read me different scientific facts. My mother is a linguist; in the morning before school I would have to choose a word from the dictionary and use it in a sentence three different ways and conjugations, it was her idea of a game. It may sound like a crazy upbringing, but we had fun," she smiled.

"The more I find out about you, the more I understand why you chose Spock," he said. She shook her head.

"I thought I'd already answered that question. When are you ever going to stop hitting on me?" she asked. He took her by her shoulders, stared her straight in her eyes and spoke.

"Uhura, you must understand this: I will **always **be hitting on you. Always," he smiled in that devilishly handsome way causing her to roll her eyes and laugh. He let her go slowly, picked his beer up from the metal book shelf and walked over to the set up the chess board.

"I don't think I want to play chess," she said, walking past the chess board and towards his sofa. She plopped down and then turned to look at him. She was proud to see that she'd confused him.

"Okay," Kirk said casually and walked over to sit next to her on the sofa, "what did you have in mind?"

"What do you and Spock do when he's over here?" she asked.

"We talk, we drink, play chess, watch porn, you know, guy things," Kirk responded.

"Ah yes, Spock likes Trill porn, it's the spots," she said with a notable smirk. Kirk closed his eyes when he laughed honestly, she noted.

"Truthfully," he said, clearing his throat, "we mostly talk about different ideas and strategies. Sometimes he brings you up, even without my prompting," Kirk added. He noticed that this small piece of information surprised Uhura and pleased her.

"He does?" she regarded him.

"Yes, he does. He'll ask me things about human women that no man really wants to ask his father. You're surprised?"

"Honestly, yes I am. He's been acting and saying strange things lately," she said, feeling her heart tighten.

"He works too much," Kirk said, walking back over to the chiller and returning to the couch with two more Guinness.

"He does, indeed. We were supposed to be together tonight," she said quietly, accepting the beer.

"You guys don't cohabitate?" Kirk asked.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because we require a lot of time to ourselves," she responded.

"Is that an _only child _thing?" Kirk asked. Uhura thought about it for a moment and then nodded in agreement. She'd never quite thought of both her and Spock's need for personal time as a product of their only child upbringing. If she mentioned this quirk of birth order to him, he'd probably regard it as illogical if he bothered to think about it at all. She had thought it strange that he was the only boyfriend she'd ever had who completely agreed with the sentiment.

"My personal time is quite important to me, growing up without siblings afforded for a lot of time to do whatever it was that I wished. Spock is the same way. It refreshes us and makes the relationship stronger."

"Does it make the sex better?" Kirk asked.

"Does a Vulcan have pointed ears?" the question was rhetorical. She smiled triumphantly.

"I should have asked if the sex was good in the first place," Kirk said flippantly.

"Vulcans have superior strength, higher stamina, and self-control, so logically the sex is spectacular," she was feeling heady from the beer, or was it from thinking about the last time she and Spock had made love; he'd used his strength to pick her up so that her back was to his front. She loved it when Spock used his strength in their lovemaking, it was always an aphrodisiac.

"Is he the best?" Jim asked low. Nyota stretched out on the sofa, popping her feet into Jim's lap and scrunching up. Jim took her feet in his hands and gentle started to stroke the perfect arch.

"You're assuming he's not my first," Uhura threw out; surprised at how deftly Jim worked the sensitive arches in her foot. This was usually a very intimate practice between lovers, but between the two of them it seemed a comfortable touch between friends. When you were in a relationship with a Vulcan you had to get used to not being as physical as you would with a human. Spock had never given her a foot massage and she'd forgotten how much she really missed being around human men. Jim Kirk was proving himself quite useful at the moment.

"I know he's not your first, just like you aren't his," her eyes shot open.

"You and he are quite candid with each other I see," she said.

"We are."

"Well, the next time you talk, can you teach him how to give a foot massage," she eased back down to her position, slightly amused by the visual of Kirk giving Spock a foot massage. It was silent for a moment as Kirk continued to ease the tension from Uhura's toes. Generally, a foot massage would lead to sex. In this case, Jim had no such expectations, he was just happy to have her in his company.

"Do you two ever argue?" Jim asked, clearing the silence that had settled around them. She sat up on her elbows and regarded him with an upturned eyebrow and pursed lips.

"We're a couple, of course we argue. We argue more than you would ever think. We did just the other day when he was acting strangely," she said.

"I can't imagine Spock ever getting angry at you," Kirk responded.

"We get angry at one another, though Spock will never admit that he gets angry. He always has to have the last word and it bothers me to no end. Lately we've been arguing about him returning to New Vulcan and completing the Ritual of Kolinahr. You can imagine my stance on the matter," Uhura sat up, carefully taking her feet from Kirk's lap and folding under her body. Kirk looked at her surprised.

"He wants to purge all emotion?" Kirk asked. He felt Uhura pull away emotionally even though she didn't move one muscle. Something shifted in the dynamic of the room; the conversation was no longer light and fun, it was about to become real.

"He feels inadequate as a Vulcan sometimes, as if mourning has a time limitation. He doesn't say that he misses Amanda or that he feels as if he were a failure for not saving her; he simply says things about leaving the Enterprise," she was saying these words with measured, deep breaths, wringing her hands and biting her bottom lip trying not to cry. She swore to herself that she wouldn't talk about this to Jim, this was personal and between she and Spock. But this was something that ate her up inside. Not since that fleeting moment in the turbolift had he allowed himself to transfer the dump of anger and grief that plagued him about his mother.

"Leaving? He's only been here a year," Kirk said, looking at her. She wasn't even crying she just had a look of complete numbness on her face.

"I hate feeling this way. I hate talking to him about it. We've argued so much about it that I'm almost to the point where I don't care if he does leave," she looked up at Jim with hardened eyes; he'd never seen this look before. She wasn't broken, she was hurt and apathetically grieving, which was so much worse than crying. She dropped her head in her hands and exhaled. Kirk put a hand on her back, feeling her warmth through the thin shirt she wore, feeling her shuddering breath. Uhura broke, and rolled her head into his chest and down to his lap. He could feel the warm wetness of her tears through his pants and could feel the air quaking in and out of her heaving chest. She sobbed for almost five minutes and then she lifted her head.

"Don't cry, beautiful," Kirk said, wiping her heavy tears with his hand. She looked at him with a weary smile that instantly turned to an anguished frown and more tears fell from her face.

"Spock and I aren't bonded, if he wants to leave he can. I just thought that maybe I would have been something to him. Something more than his logic can account for. You should hear him, Jim. Sometimes he sounds so illogical in his logic, as it flows around and around in an infinite loop. I don't understand how he can deign to be so selfish, or is it me that's selfish?"

"No, you couldn't be selfish if you wanted to, Nyota," she looked up at Kirk and smiled.

"I could be. But I can't be petty. But every fiber of my being would shut down if it weren't for him. Sometimes I think that he is the air that I breathe and that I am his. Then I remember that he doesn't feel romantic love, he only seeks companionship and right now I am an inadequate companion for many reasons, survival of the species being priority #1. Now, he feels the need to be more Vulcan to act more Vulcan to embrace his Vulcan culture to the hilt because there is so little left. He feels at times that his human culture died on Vulcan as his mother plummeted to her death. He doesn't realize how human it is to hold onto something so thickly because you fear losing it," she is now clutching her heart and speaking through harsh breaths and swallows. She is hyperventilating, so upset, so clearly falling apart. She reaches for Jim and he scoops her into his arms and holds again, letting her sob away this round of the pain.

"What would you do, Jim?" Uhura asked, finally quieting and getting her voice. Her face is so close to his that he can feel her breath on his lips. Her eyes are swollen; her face is red and full from the heated blood rushing into her face and the saline tears.

"If I had to choose between the love of you and duty to my planet, I would find a way to get both.

"I refuse to be Spock's mistress as he sires a child and bonds with another Vulcan female. I deserve everything from him because we love each other. I have so many wants in this relationship that I don't get. I want to be a Vulcan so that Spock doesn't have to feel alienated even more by his people. I want Spock to be infertile because of this hybrid status. I want Spock to bond with me, I want Spock to just fucking emote the sadness and the guilt that is pounding in his heart every night for 4 months making him scream from a nightmare so hellish that I had to sing and rock him back to sleep. He babbles when he's confused, like a baby, switching his languages from Standard to Vulcan, trying to figure out the subconscious pictures he sees when he shuts his eyes. And what's more, I can't help him," she standing now, her eyes are wild with anger and Jim can see that she's seething, her arms straight down her sides, her fists held tight at the midpoint of her hips. She's all willowy, brown limbs and silken black hair and svelte angles that Kirk can't help but think that she looks absolutely frightening when she is angry.

"He says that he is plagued by a decision made. This is the decision he made, to do what he felt was right as spoken to by his older self. I thought about what you said the other day, Jim. But my mind started to wander over the placement of Ambassador Spock. He changed all of our lives and then, in an attempt to salve his soul from failure, he tries to place everything right. What if Spock was really supposed to go back to Vulcan, forsaking the Enterprise and embracing his Vulcan culture?" Her eyes are wide as she turns to look at him, waiting for an answer. Kirk is quiet as he approaches her, opening his arms and embracing her quietly. She buries her head into his chest and she can feel him shudder.

"You know you don't believe that," he says so low it is almost a whisper. He wonders if Spock has seen Nyota cry in this way. It is heart wrenching to feel all of her emotions so naked and present before him, even Spock would have to break apart when seeing something so painful. Kirk starts to tear and can't stop the small wet drop that escapes one of his eyes. He clears his throat and she pulls back, her deep brown eyes catching his blue ones.

"I just want him to be happy, to let me ease his pain. If he can't cry I'll cry for him, if he can't laugh I'll laugh for him, because I love him just that much," she leans her head back on Kirk's chest and they stand in the middle of his quarters for long, long minutes, just holding one another and letting her cry. When he feels her sobs and shudders start to ebb, he pulls back and kisses her forehead. He wipes the residual tears from her face and leaves her for only a minute to retrieve a wet towel for her swollen face. She's sitting on the sofa where had been staring at the wall before her deep in thought. He offers her the cloth and she takes it, the dampness finally calming her. When she finally removes the towel from her face her eyes are softer and a look of normalcy returns to her face.

"I'm sorry, I've been holding that in for a while," she giggled. Kirk smiled and then started laughing, which started Uhura laughing as well. They both laughed so hard that tears were forming in Kirk's squinted eyes and Uhura started to cough. She leaned towards him and took his hands in hers.

"Thank you. I like our talks, they help me vent all of my frustrations with him," Uhura said and Kirk smiled.

"Well, one day I'm going to need to vent to you,I just hope that you'll be there," he said, leaning back on the sofa not releasing her hand. She curled up against him and leaned her head on his shoulder and felt her eyes start to close.

"Where else would I be?" she allowed from her lips before she surrendered to sleep. Kirk felt her body relax against his shoulder and the soft breaths from her cadenced breathing against his arm. He shook his head, moved slightly and placed a pillow underneath her head. He watched her body spread the rest of the expanse of the sofa and then he covered her with a heavy blanket, moving in her sleep only slightly just to achieve comfort.

"Right here," Kirk thought out loud, "you'll be right here."


	3. Chapter 3 The Horse

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **I just wanted to take some time out to thank everyone that review and read this story. Your comments have, by far, be more than generous about this little story and it makes me exstatic to know that you're for lack of a better phrase, getting it. When a person writes, they want to know that they are conveying an idea clearly enough for their audience to recieve it. I love you guys for truly enjoying it. Here is chapter 3, a little bit more humor thrown in. I'll be finished with Chapter 4 tomorrow and will be posting as soon as its beta'd. Once again, thank you so much for reading and reviewing.

Mia

* * *

They were in the middle of his bed; she was balanced on his thighs, legs around his waist with him nestled deep inside of her thrusting. She was whimpering in the manner that he found pleasing, her head thrown back in abandon, his lips worrying at a nipple, causing the wonderful noises that left her beautiful throat. Spock knew that the Lotus position was Nyota's favorite simply for the closeness she found that it offered them. He was beginning to believe that she was correct in her choosing of the position; he quite enjoyed it as well. This was a wonderful position, giving him access to all of her, keeping them held close the way that lovers were supposed to be.

She was near orgasm and so was he; their sweat-slicked bodies were sliding so close to one another. Her back arched and she slid out of his grasp onto the bed, stretching her long legs behind him. He slid forward on top of her and began to thrust deeper, harder, feeling her body stiffen and flush hotter than she'd been all night. Her tightness pulled him, milked him and they both came, shuddering against one another, the deep, sensual moans lost into Spock's quarters.

There was nothing but heavy breathing to give away their presence in the room. Sex and sweat hung heavy around them both. He rolled onto his side, taking her small body with him, molding into the crook between his shoulder and neck. Nyota affectionately referred to that area as his nook. She spread her warm hands over his sweaty chest, rubbing her fingers through his sparse chest hair, feeling the ripple underneath her sensitized fingertips. A contented sigh left her mouth and he could feel the warm breath against his shoulder.

"I love it when we make love in your quarters, it's always better when we do" she kissed the tip of his ear, watching as the flushed green of his skin heighten once again.

"I fail to see how the location of our coitus affects the pleasure received," Spock said his breath still hitched in his throat. She sat up on one elbow, looking down at him, her long hair draped over her shoulder.

"You sure do know how to ruin pillow talk, love," she bent down and kissed his cheek, strangely meek for the situation. He responded only with an arched eyebrow and the upturning of his perfectly bowed lips. They lay silently, enjoying the sound of their breaths mingled in the silence.

"Is it the word coitus that ruins the pillow talk?" he said the phrase pillow talk as if it were a dirty word. He felt her smile against his chest.

"Coitus is not a sexy word, baby," she kissed the space above his nipple and felt his skin warm just slightly.

"Would you rather me say fuck," he responded with a tone that she would only recognize as sarcasm.

"The word is too strong for this case but in another case I enjoy the way the word rolls off your tongue," she was frowning now, feeling the strange tension that Spock was now carrying in his body.

"Maybe if I were fully human I would know the difference in the tension of the scene. Forgive me," he said with more terseness than Nyota was used to.

"What is that supposed to mean," she asked.

"If I were fully human, like Kirk then maybe I'd know the difference in the semantics that you seek," he sat up, making her fall from his shoulder in a slump against the soft bed. The bed covers fells from his body as he walked around the room to gather his clothes from the places they were strewn. She rolled her eyes.

"What? Please don't tell me that you're jealous," Nyota said, standing up from the bed and following her sulking Vulcan.

"Vulcan do not…"

"…get jealous, I know this. But generally Vulcans don't make stupid comments like the one that you just made either, Spock. What's wrong with you," she watched him as he struggled with a shirt, still not having found his pants, his naked butt almost glowing with how pale he was in the darkness. She decided to look for her panties, because there was absolutely no point that could be made to a man when your vagina was showing.

"Did you find that comment stupid," he condescended. She wanted to throw something at him.

"I cannot believe that you're choosing right now to start a fight. Come here, Rabbit," she tried calling him by his pet name sweetly, but he didn't respond. He'd found his pants and was now fully clothed, sitting with his back to her on the bed. She rolled her eyes, still not finding any cover for her bottom half, but finding a long meditation robe and wrapping it around herself.

There was absolutely no talking with Spock when he was like this. When he was brooding and stubborn he was worse than a mule, and she was not into stabling the mule at this point. She sighed, wrapped the black robe around herself and headed for the exit. Before she left she turned and spoke:

"I know you're analyzing everything that's happening right now in that overly-precise brain of yours, but remember one thing when you're sleeping alone tonight, **YOU are the one that brought Jim Kirk into our bedroom. **Goodnight!" she turned and left only the hum and whiz of the door to alert her leaving.

Spock inhale, exhaled and cursed "Ponfo mirran," which if translatable into Standard would be the Vulcan equivalent of Fuck.

****

Kirk was sitting in her quarters watching as she raged out of control about her illogical, logical boyfriend. She'd showered, it was obvious by the damp braids she had her hair in, but she still smelled like the bastard. Kirk was kicked back on her small sofa, with a glass of Andorian whiskey in his hand, listening to her rant and rave and recant the story from earlier that evening.

"But I thought you two were going to have a nice, relaxing evening?" Kirk asked, obviously confused as to why he was now in the Lieutenant's quarters and why the Lieutenant wasn't underneath prior mentioned Vulcan boyfriend. His questions seemed to entice the fire in her eyes and she raged more. She finally got out all of her curses in Standard, Vulcan, and every dialect of Romulan, Klingon and Andorian, and finally finished with a flourish and a frenzied wave of her silk, caftan-covered arms.

She took the glass of whiskey from his hand, her third of the evening, and fell into the chair.

"Stupid, Vulcan, green-blooded douche bag," she finished, muttering underneath her breath.

"Hey, hey, Lieutenant, that's the whiskey talking, you don't mean that," his eyes caught hers and he smiled.

"No, but I probably should. He can be so stubborn and childish, sometimes, Jim," her words were slurred.

"You probably should have stayed, especially if he was jealous. I don't want to be walking towards the bridge and suffer a nerve pinch," she laughed at the mental image and then snorted.

"He doesn't have the green balls to piss me off anymore than he already has," she guzzled her third glass of whiskey.

"How does that work, by the way? The green cock thing? Is it all green? And what shade of green is it?" he asked. She eyed him in a way that Jim would have thought looked much like Spock. In her head she was rolling her eyes, annoyed at Jim's lack of focus, but a part of her, probably the whiskey, made her feel a lot more mischievous. What the hell this was girl talk, or some semblance thereof.

"It's a pale green, but there is definitely no mistaking that it's green. You know the color his ears turn whenever he's in close proximity to me, not the color he turns when he's annoyed with you. Of course it gets darker the harder it gets. It's just like a human penis, but green," she instantly felt bad for saying that. Kirk picked up on her wariness.

"So like a mint that they put on your pillow at those fancy hotels?" he joked, trying to break the tension.

"I cannot believe I just told you that. This whiskey is strong, that wasn't like me at all," she stared at the whiskey.

"Don't feel bad, he tells me a lot of things, too," Kirk arched his eyebrows to his hairline.

"Things? What things?"

"Who do you think gave him the idea for the Lotus position? He said that your monogamous relationship was… well… monogamous. So I slipped him a PADD of the Kama Sutra. You really, really like the Lotus, eh?" Kirk smiled. She wanted to be angry with both of them, but she really couldn't.

"I do. I honestly do enjoy it when he's fucking me like that. You should see his face, it's like the first time, he's shocked every time. I know it's hard to imagine because you generally get that steely, stone cold façade on the bridge. But Spock shocked kind of looks like he does when he's being a smart-ass, both eyebrows up, but his mouth is slightly slacked and his eyes are glazed."

"You just shared Spock's O-face with me. I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship," they held their glasses up in a silent salute and then laughed hearty, drunken laughs.

"What is it about you that makes people want to tell you their biggest secrets, Kirk?" she asked.

"It's my honest face."

"You're not that hot, sweetheart," she said, leaning her head back against the neck of the sofa, stretching her feet into his lap. He sat down his glass and started to massage her feet. Her eyes closed and she sighed.

"Oh yeah?" he asked, intrigued.

"Yeah. I have it on good authority that you're the fourth hottest guy on this ship," she said. He pushed her feet from his lap offended and she sat up amused, curling her legs underneath her.

"Fourth? Who are the other three?"

"Spock, McCoy, Sulu, and you, but you're interchangeable with Chekov and Scotty," Uhura smiled watching the vain, smug look wash off of Kirk's face. She leaned back onto the sofa cushion and let her head loll as she started laughing. He looked wounded.

"You're fucking with me," he leaned his head against the cushion, his mouth so close to hers that he could feel he breath against his chin.

"It's deserved. Besides, there is something about McCoy's curmudgeon attitude that just butters my bread," she smiled, he chuckled and then they were silent. This was dangerous for both of them, so close like this. He let his eyes leave hers and graze over her face and down to her lips, fighting the urge to let his finger touch the full, soft bottom petal. Instead he cleared his throat and spoke.

"Tell me a story about how a stoic, Vulcan instructor, won the heart of the prudish, yet beautiful Nubian cadet," Kirk smiled

"No. I've already told you that story."

"Fine, tell me about the first time they fucked. I could use a good sex story," Kirk joked, looking away from her.

"Okay," she responded. Kirk sat up, not believing that she agreed. Instead of saying anything, he presented his hand to her as if to say that the floor was all hers. She smiled and searched her memory banks and then a fond look came across her face. Strong sepia memories overtook her and she was overcome with warmth and happiness.

"The first time it wasn't supposed to happen, it just happened…" she started:

_He'd kissed her three days prior and now she needed to know why and what he was thinking. It was late, almost after curfew hours and she hadn't been able to find him at his quarters. She looked everywhere she knew he would be, and finally settled on consulting the computer. The computer said that he was at his office, so she gathered all of her courage and marched the small distance to his office. The hallways were dark, and she could see light pooling from underneath a doorway. She input the code on his door and it opened. He was standing with his back turned to the door, staring out of the window. He wasn't wearing his uniform, but a simple pair of thin, black pants and a Starfleet issued tank top. She gulped._

"_Spock?" she asked. He didn't turn, so she walked over to him and put her hand on his shoulder. He closed his eyes and shuddered._

"_This shouldn't happen, but it will," were the only words that he said before he turned to her and kissed her for the second time. She was going to respond as fiercely as she could, but he was already lifting her up, her legs going around his waist instinctually, their lips still not parted. He moved her over to the desk, pulling her shirt over her head, moving his warm lips down to her neck. _

_When they parted, she realized that she was sitting on his desk, topless._

"_Spock, what?" was her only question, before she saw his shirt join hers on the ground and felt his over-encompassing heat swallow her. Somewhere in the distance she heard him command the computer to lock the door, but that was the last cognizant thought she had before she lost herself in him._

"And I've been looking for my brain ever since," she said. Kirk's open mouth was enough to last her a lifetime.

"You guys did it on his desk. Oh man, I remember that desk. I did restitution at that desk," Kirk wiped his hands over his eyes.

"Many times if I do recall," they both looked up at the door to see Spock standing there, holding a PADD in his hands.

"You've been spying on us." It wasn't a question.

"Vulcan hearing. You're drunk," Spock responded, walking into her quarters with ease.

"I was angry with you."

"Your anger is not without merit," he said, a quirk in his eyes. She smiled back with her eyes, both of them ignoring Kirk.

"It never is, especially when it is at you. I don't get angry with you often, but lately you've been trying to piss me off."

"Never deliberately, Nyota, you know this. I have been… pensive of late," he responded, walking towards her. Their eyes hadn't left one another's. Kirk felt like a witness to a very special scene; that of a Vulcan supplicating. It was endearing in a way to see that even a Vulcan; even Spock could be humbled by his love for a woman. Kirk stood and started to leave.

"Jim, do not leave so suddenly, this conversation does include you," Spock said, Nyota and Jim caught eyes in confusion. They stood forming an isosceles triangle, two edges both staring at Spock.

"It has come to my attention that there is a high level of unresolved sexual tension between the two of you. The tension has reached an almost uncomfortable level in which I offer a number of propositions to diffuse it. Instead of this diffusing itself in an awkward and secretive way, which will only lead to anger, resentment and doubt between all three of our relationships, I suggest that either we all three engage in sexual intercourse together, or you two engage while I am present. These are the only two ways that I have found will alleviate this situation, with the least amount of unpleasantness," the words left Spock's mouth without a hint of emotion. Kirk and Uhura stared at him and then at each other.

"Wait, wait, wait, let me get this straight. You want us to either have a threesome or you wanna watch me get it on with your girlfriend?"

"In laymen's terms, yes, Jim, you are correct."

"**Are you out of your Vulcan mind**?" Uhura and Kirk asked in unison.

"Do either of you have a different solution?" Spock asked.

"Spock, we're friends. I mean, yeah there's sexual tension, but that has nothing to do with my intended actions towards Nyota. I respect your relationship with her and the relationship that you and I have. I would never let sex get in the way of that," Kirk responded, looking over a very livid Nyota. Kirk nodded and started to inch toward the door, grabbing his Andorian whiskey and nodding at Nyota, who hadn't stopped staring fire into the side of Spock's face.

"You two obviously need to talk. Good luck, Rabbit," Kirk said to Spock offering him a pat of camaraderie on the back. Spock sure as hell was going to need it. The sound of the door was the only sound in the room as Nyota stared Spock down. He hadnt' turned to look at her, and he didn't want to. He could feel the depth of her anger and knew that he was in extreme danger. He turned his face to look at her and saw that she was so angry that her small fists were curled at her sides, her eyes were blazing and she was biting the inside of her cheeks. She exhaled and swallowed deeply.

"I'm not going to yell," her voice was low and calm, so much more dangerous than that time he'd assigned her to the Farragut. She wasn't angry at this time, she was past anger, anger was a fleeting memory. This was enraged to the point of blinding, "I just want you to know that if you ever, ever, **ever,** say something so unbelievably stupid ever again, I will personally see to it that your Katra doesn't make it back to Mt. Saleya. That is not a threat, Spock, it's a promise."

"Nyota…" she put her hand up for him to stop.

"Don't. Say. Anything. I'm going to talk, because it seems as if every time you open your mouth, something stupid comes out, which considering your ancestry shouldn't be happening. Now, before I absolutely go crazy, explain to me what's going on in that logical mind of yours that is making you an emotional fuckwit." She stared him down, his eyes finally relenting and lowering as he thought of the best way to word his next sentence.

"It seemed the most logical step to avoid losing your affections," Spock cleared his throat. Nyota stared at him dumbfounded.

"You're jealous of Kirk. You think he's going to steal me away."

"I do not feel jealousy, Nyota. I am inadequate to provide you with the comfort and security that a human relationship could afford you. The comfort that your budding relationship with Kirk has given you is something that I will never be able to give you. If I were to make an acquaintance with a Vulcan, the logical joining that we would be able to share would be unprecedented," he didn't look at her and she felt her heart break. She couldn't be angry with him any longer and walked towards him, taking his head in her hands and kissing his forehead before lifting his eyes to meet hers.

"And you thought the best way to keep me was to share me sexually? Oh Spock, what Kirk and I share isn't sexual, we're friends. Yes, we flirt, and yes there is sexual tension, but it will never come to anything because I love you," she said with a kiss. And she kissed him all over his face, repeating those three words, realizing how little those words actually expressed how much she did. She hugged him and he brought his arms around her much like in the turbolift that fateful day. She felt him relax in her arms, the way he did when they were alone in their bed. She played with the fine, black hairs on the back of his neck. She took his hand and led him to the sofa, laying back on the cushions pulling him on top of her, him laying his head against her chest, the steady breathing the only sound in her quarters.

"I do not approve of Jim knowing my moniker," Spock said and Uhura laughed heartily.


	4. Chapter 4 The Knight

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **Thank you again to everyone who commented and stuck with this story. I have about three more chapters (I think) before it gets wrapped up. I am loving every minute of it and I hope you guys feel the same. Again, thank you so much for the reviews.

Mia

* * *

The weather temperatures in Spock's cabin were cooler than usual, Kirk was glad of that. Kirk was sure it was because Uhura had stayed over the night prior, because Spock rarely kept his room temperature below 32 degrees Celcius. The small breeze and hum of the air vent also wafted the smells of Spock's cabin into Kirk's oversensitive nose.

There was a familiar, yet unnamable scent, the scent of the Romulan ale, _which smells like the color blue, _Kirk thought, if blue truly did have a smell. Fresh and wispy like the petals of a Cardassian hibiscus on your lips after consuming their fire tea. In one word: soothing. Of course, Kirk could smell Spock, woodsy and masculine like bergamot and spicy like that strange Vulcan seasoning that Spock used in all of his cooking akin to saffron. There was also another scent in the air, one that Kirk knew too well, one that had been harping on his mind for days on end. There was the faint scent of Nyota flitting around the cabin. Like a hummingbird, Kirk could barely catch the scent of honeysuckles and jasmine as it hovered for a millisecond and then darted away on the wind. Occasionally, when Spock would move his head or his body, the scent would flutter from the uniform shirt, hit Kirk right in the olfactory senses and then disperse, as if it were a ghost on the wind. Kirk longed to smell that scent, keep it, bottle it and rein it in.

The smell of Uhura wasn't as much sexual as it was relaxing. She reminded him of petal-soft, newly laundered sheets. Her essence stretched out over his bed, inviting him to slumber better on this night. She was a calming influence, a distracting influence, a perfect companion for the lost soul space cowboy. He and Spock were lucky to have her in their lives. Spock was even luckier to have her in his bed, and it seemed at this very moment, the Vulcan knew it. Kirk watched across the sofa, letting the exotic sounds of Romulan jazz whisk him away, relax him, as his first officer brought those slim, elegant fingers up to his nose and smelled them. Kirk, for the first time, understood the significance of the eyebrow quirk and without pomp or circumstance mimicked his First Officer's famous facial tick.

It wouldn't have struck Kirk as strange to watch the Vulcan smell those fingers, but the way his eyes closed, the way his mouth trembled, Kirk knew that look. It was a look of a freshly-fucked male, a man who'd had his fingers deep inside of a woman and hadn't quite had the time to wash that beautiful scent from his hands. Kirk immediately realized what the familiar, yet unnamable scent had been. Unmistakably it was sex; Kirk felt a familiar stirring in his pants. He leaned back against the cushions of the sofa, taking his drink with him and inhaled a big whiff of what Spock and Uhura smelled like mingled together. He took a cushion and folded it over his lap; this was going to be a very difficult night.

"Captain, are you ill?" Spock asked. Kirk should have known that his ever-observant First Officer would have noticed that something was up, pun completely intended. Kirk looked over, slightly panicked by this train of thought. It wasn't Kirk's fault. Spock was to blame for the Captain's discomfort. It was true that Kirk thought of Uhura in a very sexual way, but that part of him was subsiding as their friendship bloomed, until Spock ruined it all. Everything was perfect until Spock burst into Uhura's quarters with his "suggestions" about how to relieve the almost painful sexual tensions wrought between him and Uhura. Spock was a genius, the suggestions were… logical. A threesome would not only relieve the sexual tension but also cause for a better working relationship, not to mention it would be supremely hot. And having Spock watch while Kirk fucked Uhura into the mattress wouldn't be a bad way to burn either. The only problem was that Kirk and Uhura were friends.

Period.

There was no funny business and Kirk was starting to get used to the new relationship.

Now, sitting in Spock's quarters with the aroma of sex and Spock and Uhura mingling with the alcohol, Kirk thought he was going to come directly into his Starfleet issued pants; not very distinguished for the captain of the fleet's flagship. Kirk hadn't quite heard Spock, but understood the gist of what he was asking. With a blink, Kirk regarded his First Officer, who was placidly staring at him.

"I'm fine, Spock" Kirk responded, squirming under the Vulcan's gaze, his voice cracking like he was going through puberty. An eyebrow scanned upwards on the Vulcan's face and Kirk saw one side of Spock's mouth quirk. Kirk knew this look, it was bemusement, the look that Spock had on his face when he used his key phrase _fascinating. _Spock knew that Kirk was lying, he just couldn't figure out why.

"You seem ill at ease, Captain," Spock prodded. Yes, Vulcans did prod, he was a scientist after all and prodding was his way of advancing his hypothesis. _Curious, green-blooded bastards, _Kirk thought, _just fucking drop it. _Again Kirk squirmed in his seat, his cock growing harder by the minute. It wasn't Spock that was making him hard, it was the scent wafting off of Spock. Every time Spock moved or spoke Nyota would travel through the air and land right in Kirk's line of scent. He needed to get out of there.

"I am," the words blurted out of the Captain's mouth. He wasn't used to keeping things from Spock and he wasn't going to start now. Spock seemed surprised.

"And what has you in duress, Jim?" Spock asked.

"How do you expect me to relax in your quarters, when this whole place smells like sex?" Kirk asked, forward as ever. Spock looked as if he were cackling on the inside. Amusement was a facial expression that the Vulcan wore well.

"You can smell Nyota on me then?" Spock asked. Kirk shifted again, his penis was out of control. He hated the fact that Vulcans don't lie.

"Well, I didn't know it was her until I saw you smelling your fingers, you lucky bastard."

"Does it unnerve you to know that Nyota was in my bed minutes before you arrived?" Spock was more than amused now; he seemed predatory. His eyes had taken on a gaze of pure darkness, pupils dilated. Kirk had seen this face on the Vulcan before, and the last time he'd seen it, he'd suffered a nasty bruise around his neck. Kirk backed up against the couch cushions and watched as Spock approached. The Vulcan was slow in his stalking, rising up to his full height, taking those coveted fingers and clasping his other long-fingered hand in front of him. He touched the index fingers of both hands together and placed them at his mouth as if thinking of a very complex algorithm. Jim knew this stance as well; it was the stance Spock took before interrogations. The Vulcan started pacing in front of Kirk, his eyes never leaving a forward gaze.

"It doesn't unnerve me, Spock," Jim said, catching his heart's pace and trying to mentally slow it down. He knew that Spock could kill him; he also knew that the he wouldn't. Intimidation was something Spock could do well, but Jim wasn't falling for it. This was his ship, damnit!

"So, it arouses you to know that Nyota was underneath me, just minutes before you arrived. Why does it arouse you as much, Jim?" Spock asked, stopping just to the left of Jim, his gaze falling right onto Jim's eyes.

"It's not a matter of arousal, Spock," Jim started.

"So, I am incorrect in my assumption that you find Nyota attractive?" Spock asked another question. Jim cleared his throat. There was something carnal about the way Spock was possessive over Nyota. Jim couldn't blame him, if she were his, he'd become primal about her too. It was the main problem of men to want to possess something beautiful. Jim had the ship and Nyota's friendship, if only Spock could see that, understand that, enjoy that. But a Vulcan could barely understand friendship, especially one so wrought with sexual tension as he and Nyota's was.

"Didn't we already establish this? Of course I find her attractive Spock, she's beautiful. What man wouldn't find her attractive?" Jim said. Spock was still stopped in front of him, leaned slightly forward at the waist to continue his stare down and, as if deciding a different approach, shrugged his shoulders and continued his leisurely pacing.

"My offer still stands, Jim," Spock said, not even turning to watch Kirk's response. It was a good offer, one that was difficult to refuse. It was a crazy offer, one that was sure to blow up in all of their faces if they even chose to tow that line.

"I'm pretty sure Uhura would disagree with you."

"She would indeed. Would you like to be present while she and I have sexual intercourse?" Spock asked, serious as a heart attack. Kirk's mouth went slack and he got, if possible, even harder than he already had been. This was ridiculous.

"This is ridiculous," Kirk said, "what do you want to know, Spock?"

"Have you and Nyota had sexual intercourse at any point and time before, during, or after you found out about my relationship with her?" Spock asked, standing directly in Kirk's line of sight.

"No Spock, I swear on my father's grave, we haven't," Kirk responded. Kirk saw the tension ease from Spock's shoulders a bit and then the Vulcan finally sat down. Kirk exhaled. It was quiet for a moment as the two men stared at one another from across a small breach between the sofa and the chair. Spock pinched his lips between the thumb and forefinger of his left hand and Kirk rested his head against the soft cushions of the sofa. Crisis averted… maybe.

"Then why have you been avoiding her?" Spock asked his voice low. Ah, so this was the problem. And this was indeed **a** problem. Kirk had been avoiding her for the past few weeks; one reason being that it was painfully awkward to talk to one another in private when her boyfriend (who could crush him with one flick of his wrist) had suggested they'd outright fuck either with the said boyfriend or in front of said boyfriend. The second reason being that Kirk, after leaving the room, had actually considered it a great idea, and then he thought better of it and had gone to bed. The third reason was that Jim Kirk was a man, a human being at his core, and he could not stop the fantasies that plagued his mind day in and day out. Spock's suggestions did the opposite of their intent, instead of making Kirk want Uhura less; they actually made him want her more. If it was ok with the boyfriend for them to get it on, then what was the problem, right?

Ever since that night when Kirk left he'd been plagued with thoughts of brown nipples in his mouth, soft skin burning against his lips, long, brown legs thrown over his shoulders, pounding into her from below, hands on her slim hips driving her down onto him. His thoughts went from being sensual to being dirty, lascivious, disgusting. His dreams were filled with horribly sexy, indecent things that he would do to that beautiful, intelligent, amazing, tight-assed, creamy, milk chocolate motherfuc…

"Captain?" Spock asked again. Kirk shook his head.

"It's your fault, Spock," Jim said in a panic. Spock regarded him with an upturned eyebrow.

"Oh, how so?"

"Spock, we were forging a friendship and now all I can think about is fucking your girlfriend, it's unnerving. So I stay away, so I don't feel tempted and break, ruining any chance I will ever have with you or her."

"But there was already an uncanny tension between the two of you, how is this any different?" Spock asked, his shoulder's tightening giving away that he was quite surprised by his discovery.

"It's a human thing," Jim shrugged, "sorry I can't give you a better, more logical reason."

"And what is entailed in this 'human thing,' exactly?" Spock asked. Jim didn't think he'd ever seen the Vulcan so visibly confused and slightly saddened.

"Well, Nyota is a desirable woman Spock, I'd be a fool not see that. The time that we spend together has nothing to do with that. There is sexual tension and we've discussed it, but that is easily solved with some playful flirting and a foot rub on my part. But now, all I can think about is the chance that you presented to me. It's awkward, because, now there is no reason for us to just flirt, we actually have permission. And I don't want to go back to seeing her as a possible romantic interest. She's chosen you, it was established and now the universe has gone all wonky," Kirk finished. He removed the pillow from his lap; having said all of that, he wasn't feeling as aroused as he had. He stared at Spock, hoping that an inkling of human emotion had trickled into Spock's logical brain.

"She misses the time that she spends with you. She is quite upset with me for ruining the growing dynamic between the two of you," Spock responded and Jim thought he saw his shoulders slump.

"I can't say that I'm happy with you either. Whatever made you think that your suggestions were the best idea?" Jim asked. Spock looked at Jim poignantly. Jim realized that he'd probably just hit a nerve, and wasn't going to let up until the Vulcan answered truthfully.

"I do not know if you and she have discussed my leaving the Enterprise,"

"We have," Jim stated.

"It was my intention to permit the two of you to enjoy not only a friendship, but a possibility at love. We are on a starship and should any peril or injury befall me, I would want Nyota taken care of in all ways. Additionally, I may be called away at any time to contribute to the rebuilding of my species, thus resigning my commission to attend to duties more important."

"Spock, I thought you'd made your decision."

"I did. But our mission is only five years; Vulcan will not be rebuilt or repopulated by then. I must think of the future always."

"Did you not discuss this with the other you?" Jim asked, starting to understand better the root conflict between Spock and Uhura.

"I am doing what feels right. However, I have had a year to ask myself if what I am doing _is _right. I must say that I am still ill at ease with my choice to remain with Starfleet. It wasn't a decision at all, it was more of a…" Spock stammered, and Jim noticed that his eyes shot around the room wildly. _'Fascinating,' _Jim thought, _'this is what Spock looks like when he's tongue tied. _

"Gamble," Kirk offered and noticed the Spock looked relieved.

"Yes, a gamble, a risk, a venture. I merely 'went with it' and now I see that maybe it was not the best time to take a risk."

"So, why did you take the risk? Other than by the assurance of the other you… the Ambassador."

"I desired to be on the Enterprise just as much as any other crew member. I'd been working towards this goal for almost ten years, and I must say that I was not thrilled about completing something I'd invested in."

"And Uhura? Is she part of why you returned as well?"

"She is, in fact, one of the main reasons I felt so torn about leaving. She remains in my highest concern when I think about going to New Vulcan, which is why I do not find it unappealing that you two harbor affections for one another. I was put at ease when she told me about your conversations. You are a good man, Jim. It comforts me to know that should accident befall me or I should leave, that she will be able to find romantic solace in someone I know and trust."

"There is no way I'm going to allow you to resign your commission in the middle of our mission. You're stuck here for the next five years whether you like it or not, buddy," Jim said, clapping Spock on the back. Spock raised an eyebrow in annoyance.

"Actually Jim, under Starfleet Code regulation 42 subsection 3 states that Starfleet personnel of planets that are under reconstruction from natural disaster, civil war, or outside terror, are allowed an indefinite leave of absence to aid in the efforts of rebuilding," Spock said smoothly. Jim closed his eyes and rubbed his temples with the palm of his hand.

"So you can just ditch the ship at any time you wish, leaving the Enterprise without a First Officer, a Chief Science Officer, me without a friend and Uhura without love. You'd abandon us like that?"

"It would seem as if I'm abandoning you, but soon you would come to recognize that it was merely logical. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one, Jim."

Kirk was angry all of a sudden. The past year and half had seen him and Spock working side by side, getting to know one another and learning how to trust one another's judgment. They were excellent coworkers and played well off of one another, but the friendship that Kirk had thought they were trying to cement seemed to be staying dismally liquid. This angered Kirk to no end. How could Spock just throw away all that time spent together? It was just… inhumane.

"You can spout that philosophic bullshit to me all you want, Spock, but no matter how you try to justify it, it's still not right. No matter how you slice it, you're still abandoning us. I thought we were friends, and now you're telling me that you can just walk out on everything that we've built up over this year. And Uhura, she's been with you for almost five years; you two have built a relationship. You love her and she loves you in return and you're just going to walk out on that?"

"I will have to should I make that decision. Jim, I cannot just sit idly by and not contribute to my people's…"

"Your people? We're your people, too Spock. This crew, this ship, don't we mean anything?" Jim stopped, noting the vacant expression on Spock's face. Kirk had never seen this before, and tried to figure out what the Vulcan may be thinking. Kirk stared directly at Spock, who was staring into space. A clearing of his throat and Spock's eyes caught with Kirk's and there Kirk saw all the answers to his questions that he would ever need.

Of course the ship and the crew meant something to Spock; they meant everything. The crew of the Enterprise was something that he'd never had, acceptance, friendship. On the Enterprise he had a life- he had a woman that loved him, friends that accepted him and enjoyed his company, and colleagues who respected him. It was the one thing he'd never received in all of his adolescence on Vulcan. It would be too human, too emotional, and too difficult to deal with should Spock suddenly lose the Enterprise the way he'd lost his mother and his planet. Jim finally made sense of it. Spock wasn't abandoning them; he was running.

He wasn't just running from the Enterprise and its crew members; Spock was running from everything it represented – his humanity. The fact that Spock had formed real attachments to all of them hadn't occurred to Jim until now. How could he have been so dense? Everyday that Spock was on the Enterprise reminded him of his mother. All of the easily expressed emotions, every laugh, and every fit of anger from a random ensign, every affectionate shoulder clap, and every smile reminded him of his mother that he'd lost. Spock wasn't torn out of duty to New Vulcan; he was torn out of duty to his human crewmates. Spock was wracked with failure. He'd failed to save his mother, he'd failed at Captaining the Enterprise, he'd (well, the other him) failed at saving Romulus. All of his failure brought loss, not just to him but to billions. Despite all the billions that had been affected by Spock's actions, it was the crew of the Enterprise that he was afraid of failing the most. Spock couldn't bear to fail in his duties thusly losing the last vestiges of what he cared about the most.

"Spock, what would aid you in coming to a faster decision?" Kirk finally asked, his anger dampened by realization. Spock looked up from where his gaze had been lingering around his feet and arched an eyebrow.

"I must speak with the Ambassador," Spock said without hesitation.

"You can do that over the com, why haven't you?"

"This is a conversation that must be had in person."

"Then you will need to take leave, effective immediately. I'll draw up the paperwork and you can leave within the next 24 hours via shuttlecraft; you should get to New Vulcan within one day if you play your cards right," Kirk said standing and walking over to his PADD to pull up the leave papers. Spock bounced up behind him, obviously confused.

"Jim, this is quite sudden…"

"Yes, Spock, the questions you have need to be answered as quickly as possible. I cannot have a First Officer of this ship distracted by imponderables and torn because of duty, it would be irresponsible of me to allow this to carry on. The needs of the many, Spock," Kirk said, knowing that he was being willfully manipulative. The Vulcan was stubborn, if he was going to run; he wasn't going to do it by himself. Kirk pounded out the paperwork and submitted it with an audible click to his PADD. Spock was officially on leave for two weeks to New Vulcan.

"You are on leave. I've sent your leave information to all parties involved including Ambassador Sarek and to the _other _Ambassador so that they can prepare for your arrival. If you want, I can have the shuttle ready for you in about two hours," Kirk said, standing and stretching. Spock stood stock still in the middle of his quarters with his hands at his back.

"Captain, your sudden change of… heart alarms me. A moment ago you were…"

"Spock, you're not just my First Officer, I consider you my friend. What kind of friend would I be, if I didn't allow you to find the answers you seek? If it helps you find peace of mind, I should support that, so I'm supporting you," Kirk said, grabbing up his things and heading towards Spock's door so that the Vulcan could pack.

"Yes, Jim, however, you do realize that you are aiding me in finding answers that could possibly lead to me leaving the Enterprise," Spock said. Kirk stopped at Spock's door, turned and unclenched his jaw. This was a gamble he was taking, Kirk knew, but it had to be done, less they all churn in this purgatory that Spock was steadily building.

"I am aware. The decision you make doesn't matter right now. What matters most to me at this moment is that you fight the answers you need to make that decision. And if it comes down to it and you don't return; I wish you luck, peace, and prosperity. And to use your words: I have been and always will be your friend," Kirk said, trying and failing to reproduce the Vulcan salute.

"And because you're my friend, you're willing to allow me to just walk away?" Spock asked.

"Sometimes, Spock, the best thing a friend can do for another friend, is give them the time and space needed in order for them to figure out their own shit," Jim was quiet and watched as Spock's shoulders eased, "you better pack. I'll alert engineering and I'll let Uhura know where you're going and when you're going to be back. I'll take care of everything if you take care of yourself."

Kirk and Spock met eyes and Kirk allowed the door to open behind him. This was a gamble, a big one. Kirk was hoping that he was leading by example, being practical. It was probably the most selfless thing he'd ever done, and he felt horrible. Who said that charity makes you feel good?

"Jim?" Spock stopped him at the threshold. Kirk turned and acknowledged the Vulcan with a nod of his head, "Thank you."

Kirk didn't say anything and exited the door as he saw Spock scramble to pack. It was going to be a very long two weeks, and he had to explain everything to Uhura. She was going to hate them both for making such a rash and hasty decision without even thinking to consult her.

Kirk, upon exiting Spock's quarters, let out a shudder of discontent. Spock was not the only person that considered the crew of the Enterprise their family. The thought of losing a friend like Spock, a member of his crew, his family left Jim feeling wooden. He wondered if this was how the alternate him felt when he'd watched Spock die. Those memories transferred to him, not his, were memories of a friendship that was familiar and yet distant. It was a friendship that would change both of their lives for the better, enrich them, and make them better men. Yet, the memories that transferred from the mind-meld seemed nothing like this reality.

There were so many humps to cross over, most of which their counterparts didn't have to contend with. Were they honestly so different than the other timeline? Their lives were different, both of them dual opposites, losing and gaining, running and chasing, desperate for companionship but afraid of intimacy. They found the need for friendship in one another, but it was nothing the way the memories showed him.

_And never will be, _Jim thought, straightening his shoulders, acquiring his Captain's confidence as he swaggered down the hall away from Spock's room. Neither of them was truly capable of being candid with each other. Unlike the Spock and Kirk of the other reality whose friendship was held together through love of the Enterprise, their friendship had no common ground, nothing to form mutual trust from, thus doomed to force understanding when it just wasn't there. And Uhura had said they were alike, she must have been mistaken.

Kirk stopped short in the middle of the hallway, a light bulb clicking on in his brain. He shook his head at his prior foolishness. The other timeline's Spock and Kirk had the Enterprise as their link, a lady made out of metal and bolts but to be loved and respected because she always nurtured and brought you home safe. They had Uhura, a lady made of flesh and bone, passionately nurturing to both of them, and loved fiercely by them both. Uhura was their link, their common ground, their catalyst to the friendship that would sustain them for decades to come, mold them into better men, and make them great. It was always a lady, no matter what form she came in. Jim was inclined to believe it true that you never send a man to do a lady's job.


	5. Chapter 5 The Battle

For Want of a Nail

Chapter 5

She was smiling when she walked into Spock's quarters, humming a simple tune that Jim noticed as Beyond Antares. She was in her signature caftan, though Jim knew that she hardly ever wore it. When she finally came into his line of sight her face fell; she noticed that Spock wasn't in his quarters.

Her eyes spanned the room, her eyebrows furrowed and then she caught eyes with her Captain, who had come back to wait for her.

"Jim, where is Spock?" she asked in a voice that was the most skeptical that Kirk had ever heard. He clicked his tongue and figured the best way to tell her was to just open his mouth and let it fly out. No matter how he explained what happened, she was going to be pissed, might as well let it fly. He told her so ungracefully that he was ashamed. He was a Captain and he should have been more diplomatic. He watched as the words caused her face to fall and change, the emotions evident.

Confusion was a fleeting emotion as her face scrunched and furrowed, her eyes widened and then slanted to form disbelief. Denial was a beautiful emotion, because there was hope also mingled there, and he could see in her eyes the searching function click on. _This is all a joke, guys, right? _As her face formed a small smile and a huff of laughter puffed from her lips. She shook her head and craned her neck around the quarters, looking for Spock. Her eyes catching on the bed caused her pause. Acceptance that he was gone brought sadness, and this broke Jim's heart. Her bottom lips started to tremble and her face flushed. She grabbed her face and exhaled violently, trying to hold back the tears that threatened at the corner of her eyes. She was almost triumphant, but lost two as they cascaded down her brown cheeks. Jim leaned forward to catch them on his fingers, but was pushed violently away as the last emotion, anger, swept into the room and built a wall between the two of them.

"Don't fucking touch me," she said, stopping her tears with the sleeve of her caftan and eyeing him with fire. He deserved it; he only wished that Spock were here to receive the same ire. Kirk realized that this was what friendship was for, though he felt horribly like he'd betrayed one friend to help another. He'd put himself in the middle and wasn't going to run with his tail between his legs as of yet.

"Nyota," Kirk started.

"Call me Uhura," her eyes were so steely cold as she said it that Jim shivered. He felt his stomach lurch. All the progress they'd made was snapped back.

"Uhura, it was necessary. He had to go," He tried to explain.

"I realize this, but neither of you could have message me? Neither of you could have come to me and told me this before he gracefully piloted a shuttle to New Vulcan."

"Uhura he didn't want to wake you," Kirk responded.

"He didn't want to… he didn't want to fucking let me know that he was running. And YOU! You just let him run!" she threw her hands up, balancing her anger and losing. He walked up to her, staring her in those feral eyes.

"I'm not being stupid, Uhura, I knew he was running," he started, "he needs to work some things out. It was a spur of the moment decision." She slapped him. Hard. He winced and cupped his face, and when he released, his face was red and stinging and marked in the shape of her hand.

"Why don't you tell me what's really going on, Kirk. I don't see you for weeks, don't speak to you. And the moment I do see you, you're telling me that my boyfriend has flown the coop back to his home planet. We were fine until you interfered."

Kirk was instantly pissed. She was human and he was human and it wasn't a bad display if they just went at each other's throats. With Spock yelling didn't work, but with her, he could let loose all of his human emotions and maybe purge away some of the frustration that had been building over the past couple of weeks that all of them had started this makeshift deepening of their friendships. He was tired of this; everything seemed to be a makes of subterfuge, started so innocently.

"The fuck you were!" his voice bellowed over the quarters, shorting her ire for a moment but not softening it. She stared disdain into the side of his face and walked up to him as if she were up to the challenge of going 20 bouts: And in this corner, Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise, coming in at 170lbs and around 6 ½ feet tall wearing confusion as a bordering guise to hide his insecurities as Captain. And his opponent, weighing in at 115lbs, Nyota Uhura, Lt. Commander and head Communications officer of the Starship Enterprise. She's known to have a wicked temper and one hell of a right cross filled with self-righteous indignation. This should be a fair fight. They sized each other up and the bell sounded.

"Excuse me!" she spoke in a very low, very dangerous tone.

"The fuck you and Spock were fine. I can distinctly remember you mentioning that he'd been acting strangely. It's almost like you sought me out that night we first spoke. Ever since that day I've been listening from both ends how horrible the relationship is between you two."

"Don't flatter yourself, it was a coincidence, and a horrible one at that that I was in that observation room the same time as you. I wish that night would have never happened, then we could have continued to stand at odds and you wouldn't have encouraged Spock to leave!"

"Trust me, he didn't need any encouragement. He was ready to get the hell away from you!" Kirk couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. He hadn't had this kind of argument with a person since he was much younger and had argued with his stepfather before stealing the car. This was enlightening, encroaching, almost arousing. A smirk appeared on his lips as he caught eyes with her; she was still so very angry with him. And he was surprised to find that he was unexpectedly angry with her, but without due reason. He just needed, wanted to be angry at someone, and she was a willing respondent.

"Of course, it was me, who pushed him over the edge. It wasn't you who wants to get him out of the way so that you can fuck me into the mattress? That's not the plot. I knew I shouldn't have trusted you!" the sarcasm dripped from her words, and Kirk was completely offended. He hadn't once propositioned her. How dare she?

"Why do you think that everyone wants to fuck you, Uhura?" he asked his voice low and strangely calm. She walked close to him and spread her palms out over his chest, feeling the flutter of his angered heart beneath her skin. He didn't shrink back as she looked up, their lips almost touching.

"Not everyone, Kirk, just you," she said the words as if they had a double meaning, her hands ran down his chest to rest on his stomach. He closed his eyes and shuddered, grabbed her by the wrists and stepped back, his eyes closed all the while he did it. She turned her wrists in his hand and managed to place her free hands on his forearms, stroking the sensitive skin, feeling the muscle and bone converge. He grabbed her by her small deltoids and brought her into his arms forcefully so that his forehead rest against her shoulder. He inhaled and exhaled slowly trying to soothe the erection that was tenting his regulation slacks. She could feel how hard he was against her stomach and his desperate fingers sliding across the planes of her back, so heavy and warm against her skin through the thin fabric of the caftan.

Despite the way he'd wrapped himself around her, she had her arms to her sides, and slowly started to lift them to encircle his back in something that was akin to a hug, but a lot more desperate. She felt desperate in his arms. She felt soft nibbles against her neck and closed her eyes for a moment, feeling her nipples start to strain against her caftan. She felt herself being lifted and wrapped her legs around his waist as he moved them against the wall, bunching her caftan in his hands as he held her by the buttocks, grinding himself selfishly into her. She felt her breathing increase and her traitorous eyes slip shut again. His bites traveled the length of her neck down the v-shaped dip in her caftan that exposed her collarbone. He let his tongue travel the expanse of those delicate points, and felt her hands in his hair as he traveled lower to tongue her hard nipples through the silk of her garment. The action caused memories to flood over her of earlier in that day.

"_I love you" Spock hadn't said the words to her face; he was leaning in her ear, behind her, above her, inside of her. His arms were on her back and she felt his breath and words in her ears. He kissed down her back as he came inside of her. It was the first time he'd ever said those words and she cried. Afterwards he'd held her, whispered it over and over in her ear until it was time for her to leave. He took his hands and placed them at her contact points on her face and she shied away, taking his hand in hers and kissing his long fingers. It was too soon, and it was time for her to go. They would discuss it when she returned later. _

She felt a soft cushion against her back and felt a momentous heat above her. She was horizontal and her legs were being lifted higher around his naked, strong back. She couldn't remember when they'd moved from the wall to the couch. His lips moved from their cemented place at her nipples and back up to her ear.

"I don't want to fuck you, Uhura. I want to make love to you. I want you to be mine as much as you are his, maybe more. I love you," Kirk said, and she looked at him, his eyes red and swollen with tears. Through his tears he leaned down and kissed her for the first time. It was almost holy to feel his lips against hers. Despite the feeling of elation and satisfaction, there was something missing for both of them. The kiss was lacking, lost, almost disgruntled. And they pulled back, as if burned by fire, consciousness settling quickly. They stared at one another across the expanse of the sofa.

"We can't do this," Kirk said, his voice low and hoarse. She shook her head small, almost imperceptible. The only sound in the room for long minutes was the sound of their deep breathing. She cleared her head, biting back tears of mingled confusion and shame.

"I'm fucking confused," Kirk said, grabbing his shirt and pulling it on gruffly. Something about the phrasing of his words hit her as humorous and Uhura laughed. She laughed so hard it almost seemed hysterical. Kirk scrunched his eyebrows, seeing the insanity of the situation, but her laughter was contagious and he began to laugh himself. The laughter was so loud and boisterous that Kirk was afraid that they were going to be put into an insane asylum. He leaned into her on the couch, pulled her close and she buried her head into his side, crying again.

"I hate seeing you cry," Kirk said.

"It's your fault," she said with a snort of laughter, and Kirk smiled despite the situation. They were quiet for long minutes. He was waiting for her tears to subside; she said nothing, but her tears stopped.

"Did he not leave you anything?" Kirk asked.

"He did," she said with realization. Kirk regarded her with confusion, "he left me you."

"He's playing with our emotions," Kirk said standing, angry for a reason finally.

"He doesn't quite understand that concept, Jim," Uhura said.

"You give Spock too much fucking credit. He's half human, and he has emotions, he just doesn't show them. And because of some politically correct bullshit we sit here and allow him to give us the emotional run around. Fuck this!" Kirk said.

"You're right," Nyota said, wiping her tears, "Fuck Him!"

Kirk looked down at and she was nodding and smiling slightly.

"To hell with him," Kirk said pulling her closer.

"To hell with him," her voice cracked and she laughed lowly.

"That feels good, doesn't it?" Kirk asked almost rhetorically.

"Yeah, it does, actually. If he doesn't come back and even if he does, Spock is going to have to learn that he can't do this anymore. This is enough, right?" she said a bit unsure.

"Your friendship, the Enterprise, someone to 'get' me is all I've ever wanted. If it's not enough for him then… Fuck him," Kirk smiled and squeezed her closely. She kissed him on the cheek and they sat quietly for a brief moment.

"By the way, do you do that hand thing you did to him, because if you do, he's a fool not to come back," Jim joked. She cut her eyes towards him and punched him playfully in the shoulder.

"All that and much, much more," she exhaled and closed her eyes falling asleep on Jim's shoulder.

"Stupid, lucky bastard," Kirk joked and started to close his eyes.

"Kirk," she said before they both drifted off to sleep.

"Yeah?"

"If you ever want to argue with someone, you know, just blow off some steam, I am game."

"Same to you, Uhura."

"Nyota, you can always call me Nyota."


	6. Chapter 6 The Kingdom

Chapter 6

"The Battle"

"_Why are you here, I thought the question was settled?" Spock Prime stared back at his younger self still amazed at how vital he looked. Age was something that no creature could ever cope with, even a Vulvan._

_ "I believe that I have possibly made a mistake."_

_ "Come in, sit down," Spock Prime said, inviting his younger self into his quaint Vulcan home and closing the door. He walked passed Spock towards his kitchen to make them both some tea. The older Vulcan knew that this was going to be a long conversation. It took only a moment and Spock Prime was presenting his younger self with a piping hot mug of tea of the Vulcan variety, both sipping slowly as the steam tickled their noses. Spock the younger was the first to speak._

_ "I need resolution. The decision I made to stay on the Enterprise a year ago seems to have been made hastily. I was infatuated at the time and though my infatuation has grown, many things have changed."_

_ "I have never been infatuated with a human woman, Spock, maybe you should talk with your father."_

_ "The benefit of having another, older, wiser version of myself readily available makes speaking with my father irrelevant."_

"_Yes, but in this regard, I do not think that I will be of much assistance."_

_ "It is less about loving Nyota and more about my decision to stay on the Enterprise and not join my people in developing a new Vulcan." Spock said the word love without even realizing he'd said it._

_ "So you love her, do you?" Spock Prime almost smiled, his eyes twinkling in cognac delight. The younger Spock let out a sound that could only be described as sigh. Spock Prime could tell that this was definitely going to take all day._

_ "I do feel…" he struggled. Spock Prime rose and started to walk towards the courtyard that built into the middle of his home. Younger Spock followed and watched as his older self leaned over and smelled a desert orange blossom._

_ " Do you see this flower, it is one of my own breeds. It is a mix between the earth orange blossom and the Vulcan desert rose. I found when I moved here that I enjoyed the size and shape of the desert rose, but missed the coloration and aroma of the orange blossom, so I produced a hybrid. It was not an easy feat; the two plants fought against one another until finally they absolved the differences and produced this beautiful plant."_

_ "It is indeed quite an accomplishment," Younger Spock remarked. _

"_There are many lessons that I've learned from living amongst my human friends. One of the most important was about emotions. You have them, all Vulcans do, and I attest that it is best for Vulcans to control them as such. However, you are also human, which allows you to indeed show them. The key is not to be torn in two by your emotions nor by your mixed race. Embrace both of your halves and become whole instead of always striking an allegiance with one side or the other. Much like that flower, it will not be easy, but nothing ever worth doing is. Do you understand?" Spock Prime offered up._

_ "I believe that I do."_

_ "Then get back into that shuttle and get your, as the humans would put it, ass back to the Enterprise."_

_ "There is something must do, first."_

_**End Flashback **_

Spock didn't' waste any time dropping his bags off at his quarters, he made his way quickly to Nyota's quarters and buzzed. She didn't even see who it was, simply told the computer to allow the person entrance thinking that it may be Jim or someone else. When she saw Spock standing at the door, she stopped only a moment and then continued putting on her boots and getting ready for her shift on the Command deck.

_To Hell with him._

Those words between her and Jim echoing through her mind made her stronger. She turned to go to her kitchenette and asked the computer to produce a yogurt for her breakfast, not paying Spock any attention.

"Nyota, I wanted to let you know that I have returned," he said, still holding his bags.

"I can see that," she said not looking up and taking a spoon to eat her yogurt with.

"I have decided to stay on the Enterprise and I express regret for not informing you of my leaving."

"Apology accepted. I have to go to work," she said, throwing her unfinished yogurt in the trash, grabbing her PADD and walking out past him towards the hallway. Spock turned and followed her.

"Nyota, I…" she turned on him and stared him directly in the eyes; her stare so vacant and loveless that Spock thought she was the Vulcan in the relationship.

"I don't have the time or the patience to discuss this with you at this time, Spock. Maybe later, ok?" she said, turned on one foot and walked down towards the command deck leaving Spock standing alone in the hallway. He stood there for a moment and then went to his quarters to unpack his belongings.

His quarters were cold and lonely, without any of the warmth he'd remembered them having. He'd been gone for two weeks and he could tell that no one had dared enter them since he'd been gone. The smell of Nyota was only faintly apparent in his room and that was only because of his bed linens that he'd neglected to change before his hasty departure. He wasn't alone for long, when he walked back into the front of his quarters Jim was standing in his kitchenette drinking some water out of a glass and staring at him.

"You're back I see," Jim said a bit coldly.

"Indeed."

"I am going to say two things to you, one as your Captain and one as your friend. As your Captain, I will say that this is my ship not yours. You are not allowed to come and go as you please. You made a commitment to not only Starfleet but to me and the inhabitants of the Enterprise. So either you stay or you go and this ship will go on with or without you, understand?" Kirk said.

"Yes Captain," Spock responded.

"As your friend," Kirk sighed, "You fucked up, severely. Not just with Nyota but with me, and I don't think you are aware of how much. You hurt her, but I'll let her explain that to you if she wants to. As for me don't you ever leave me here to do your dirty work. If you are going to tuck your tail between your legs and run then you tell her, you let her know. I'm not a messenger boy or a fucking middle man; I'm a friend to both of you. Get the fuck over yourself, Spock, and start realizing that you have people that love you, but that will cease to be if you ever pull a dick move like that again. Got it?"

"Indeed I do, Jim."

"Good," Jim said and walked over to give his friend a squeeze on his shoulder smiling, "I am glad to have you back."

"She will not speak with me."

"Do you blame her?"

"Not in the least," Spock responded.

"Well, the only way to get a woman like that to take you back is to make her sure that you'll not go running off again."

"How is that accomplished?"

"Hell if I know. I haven't had a relationship lasting longer than a couple of hours."

"Jim, I…love her," Spock let the words linger, having said them again and finding that they didn't bother him as much as they had before.

"From your lips to God's ears, eh?"

"Pardon?"

"It's a figure of speech. Look, we've got to get to the command deck. Don't worry, you're a smart Vulcan, you'll figure it out. Get dressed, let's get to work." Spock nodded, found a Starfleet shirt in his closet and followed Jim to the Command Deck.

Their shift was tensed and quiet, even the usual friendly banter between Sulu and Chekov was at a distinguishable lull. Spock and Uhura only talked when one or the other had to. Kirk didn't like the way everything was being affected at all. After about four hours into their shift, Kirk decided to make a change. He stood up from his chair and stretched.

"Sulu, you have the Con. Spock, Uhura, come with me," Jim said the words and walked out of the Command deck towards the conference room with Spock and Uhura trailing him. This was a silent walk as well. They all sat at the conference table and stared at one another until Kirk spoke.

"You two are getting on my nerves. You literally are bringing the rest of the crew down. Now, either this gets fixed or I'm going to have to change your shifts. It is not fair for the rest of Command to suffer for the two of you," Kirk was proud of himself for putting his foot down. This was his ship, the Enterprise always came first.

"Captain, I do not understand your meaning…"

"Oh, come off it Spock, you got something to talk thru with the lady or don't you? I'm not letting the two of you out of this room until it's solved."

"Frankly, Captain, I don't think that our personal lives should be taking time from our shifts," Uhura spouted just as confident as ever.

"I agree Lieutenant, but it seems that the personal has now seeped into the professional and I can't let it linger. So, I am giving both of you one hour to sort it out and return to command. One hour," Kirk said, walking past both of the sitting parties and out of the door. The door slid closed with finality leaving Uhura and Spock alone in the quiet and garishly lit conference room.

This was awkward.

They sat in silence for the first five minutes of that hour, both of them waiting for the other to say something, anything to break the ice. It was like the first time that they both realized their feelings for one another. There was a standoff even then, emotionally biding their time until the other one broke. The only difference now was that Spock felt the need to touch her, he wanted her badly. He could smell her, a scent so lost to him for the past two weeks that now that he was being engulfed in it, he almost could not remain it its presence because of the sensory overload. He could hear her heart beat and breathing, and her impatient clicking of her nails against the table. How he wanted her and how foolish he felt for having to be away from her to realize it. If she allowed him back into her fellowship it was not a mistake he was willing to make again.

"I am pleased to be back in your presence, Nyota," Spock finally said, his voice so low it was almost a whisper. Yet, his eyes bore into hers with a deep lust and desire that she'd never seen in him.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder," she said sarcastically and mostly to herself. She stopped looking at him, because if she did, his stare would make her heart break again. She couldn't break this time; she couldn't let him off that freely. What kind of woman would she be if she allowed him to waltz in and out of her life at a moment's will? He could not and would not do that, and he had to know that implicitly. His actions were wrong, inexcusable, and would not be tolerated.

And over the past two weeks, she and Kirk had grown closer and stronger without him. Having Spock solidified something inside of herself that she'd always known but never really acknowledged- that she could live without him. She was happy to discover that, and was doubly so to realize that she had a friendship with Jim no matter what. But the way Spock was looking at her kind of made her soft around the edges, so she cleared her throat and decided to subside some of her sarcasm, though she would not apologize for a rise of any of her human emotions. If he was allowed to be Vulcan at a whim, then she was allowed to be Human as well.

"I know you are using sarcasm, but I will not deny that I am indeed fonder of you now that I have returned to see your face."

"The problem with that statement, Spock, is that you had to leave to realize that. I do not want to make this a trend."

"I realize that you are…"

"Spock, before you left you said that you loved me. You know how I feel about you, but honestly this isn't working."

"It wasn't working, but it can work," _it has to work, _he thought. She got up and walked over to him, touching her fingers to his face. In spite of himself, he closed his eyes to her touch.

"You used to know what you wanted, that is why I fell in love with you. You wanted me. Yes, I know that things have changed, but I am where I want to be. I want to be here, on the Enterprise and her motley crew. I'm not torn in two about that, and I cannot be with you if you are."

_***Flashback***_

_ Sarek regarded his son strangely, as Spock paced back and forth in his room on the colony of New Vulcan. Sarek had a good eye for what Spock enjoyed from his old room on the old planet and had replicated many of the things that his son would enjoy seeing. Most Vulcans were not ones were nostalgia; however, Sarek had a half-human son that would appreciate such intricacies. It had been a while since he'd seen his son in traditional Vulcan attire. It seemed every time he saw Spock, he was wearing his blue Starfleet uniform or his dress Commander Uniform. Today, on Spock's second consecutive week at his home, Sarek was ready for his son to depart. It wasn't right for Spock to be away from his duty for this long. In the very forefront of Sarek's mind he wondered what Nyota thought of all of this. _

_ "You need to go back, Spock," Sarek said, effectually stopping his son's pacing. _

_ "Is that what you wish of me? To leave?" Spock asked, confused._

_ "You made a choice a year ago, you have a duty to attend to. I did not raise a son that skirts his duty."_

_ "No, father, you have not. But does not my duty lie here with my people?" Spock asked and almost thought he saw his father roll his eyes. _

_ "Spock, you are indeed my son, and though I would endeavor to have you hear with me, living as a Vulcan that has never been your prerogative. I have never had to tell you what to do, nor have you ever listened. What makes my advice imperative now?" Sarek knew full well what was bothering Spock, he just wanted his son to admit. Spock stopped and was quiet looked at his father in the eyes and then continued his pacing._

_ "It is indeed of a sensitive nature, father."_

_ "Nyota then," Sarek stated. Spock's eyes widened. He and his father had never outwardly discussed her. Spock had only discussed his relationship with Nyota openly with his mother. This was truly unprecedented. Spock only nodded in agreement._

_ "She is truly a wonderfully, delightful lady. She will indeed be upset with you. And, she was undoubtedly one of the reasons as to why you chose to stay with Starfleet in the first place, if not the first reason. You have a duty to yourself first, Spock. This is your life, Spock, apart from your counterpart and apart from me or your mother. This is not the life I would have chosen for you, Spock. But you have already moved down the path of your alternative, and to say that you have rebelled is to say that you do have some part of me in you. I know that I never say this, but I am proud of you._

_***End Flashback***_

"My father said that he was proud of me," Spock said, looking at Nyota. Her eyes widened and he thought he remembered the look of her melting from that time in the turbolift from the fateful day. The breath flew out of her and she was instantly staid. _Damn him,_ she thought. She couldn't stay upset with him for long, even after everything, he was instantly forgiven. She moved her body closer and wrapped her hands around his head, and pulling him up to look at her. She leaned in and kissed him and he wrapped his arms around her.

"What do you need, Nyota?" he asked. She didn't even know how to answer. She needed so many things from him, and then the perfect thing hit her like a ton of bricks.

"A foot rub," she laughed at his puzzled face.


	7. Chapter 7 All Was Lost

Chapter 7

"All was Lost"

It was late again and she couldn't quite turn her mind off. The Vulcan sleeping next to her didn't quite seem to be having the same problem. She reasoned that since he'd been back on the Enterprise he'd been sleeping quite well, and sleeping next to her. Since his return things had been quite rocky, getting used to being together again, learning how to trust. Two weeks, though not a long period of time, seemed to span on like a decade for the both of them. She was pleasantly surprised to see him sleeping next to her, to have his low purr ringing in her ear, just not tonight. Tonight, she needed to be with someone else, a friend.

It was a lark, but she grabbed on a pair of old sweats and a package of jelly beans and walked down to her favorite observation deck. The halls were quiet and she could feel herself ease as she strode down the corridor. She was easing off the tension that had finally eased with Spock, she was easing off the tension that the daily job caused, and she was slipping into Nyota; the woman that just wanted to look at the stars. A wistful smile crept to her face as she entered Observation Deck 1-Alpha. She was correct; he was sitting at their spot and had two beers, one for him and one for her waiting. His head, hearing the whoosh of the door looked up and his eyes twinkled and smiled at her. She held up the jelly beans and he waved her over.

"How did you know I'd be here tonight, Jim?" Nyota asked.

"I didn't. I've been bringing two beers here for the past two weeks since Spock returned in hopes that you'd get a bout of insomnia," he joked. She couldn't tell if he was being sincere, but she thought the idea charming of Jim Kirk coming to the observation deck in hopes that he'd see her. She saw him look down at the jelly beans and she shrugged, sitting down. She opened the candy and spilled the small bag out onto the table. Spock would have thought the idea crude, Jim just laughed and started to pick out the black ones. Jim loved the black jelly beans and Nyota hated them, it was something he'd discovered during their time when Spock was away.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" she asked.

"I could ask the same of you, Lieutenant. Have you two finally stopped fucking each other into the mattress?" Kirk asked.

"A whole five minutes before the conversation turned to sex; Jim, I'm so proud of you," she said through a juicy bite of a green jelly bean.

"I know, I'm getting better, I deserve a reward. A kiss from a beautiful lady, perhaps," Jim raised hi s eyebrows mockingly and hopefully. She only shook her head.

"And a full six minutes until you hit on me. Your improvement is spectacular."

"Don't say it too loudly, it may ruin my reputation," Jim laughed, she laughed with him, "So, how was the foot massage?"

"He told you about that?"

"Who do you think taught him how to give a decent foot massage? How'd we do?" Jim waggled his eyebrows.

"Excellent, actually I was quite surprised. You two really are a great team," she said, raising her beer bottle.

"We are. What God united, let no man put asunder," Jim raised his own bottle and they clinked them together laughing.

"Seriously though, Jim, why are you awake?" she asked. She could feel him pulling away from her and into himself somehow. He started to get far away and then his crystal clear blue eyes opened on her.

"I've been thinking about what you said when we first did this, about that proverb, and you were right. You're always right, it seems."

"Am I?" she asked. She was amused.

"When it comes to that sleeping Vulcan and me you are. But we are consistently perplexed about you. Women," Jim said shaking his head in wonderment. She giggled a sound he hadn't heard her make before and he instantly decided that he enjoyed that girlish tickle.

"Oh, Jim," she started.

"I must say neither one of us thought that you were going to forgive him that easily, nor that you should have." Jim added the last part, because Spock hadn't said it, though he knew that both were thinking it. Nyota took a large swallow of her beer and let the bitter, acrid taste run over her tongue and thought about her reply.

"I see. Let me put it to you this way: Spock has suffered too much and too long for me, his lover and beloved to allow him to suffer any longer. I love him too much to allow my pride to get in the way of the fact that I chose him and all of his Vulcan-ness, whatever that entails. And in this reality, I will always choose him," she said the last part strangely, as if finally realizing something about herself.

"It still makes me wonder what could have been," Jim said, remembering that kiss and how awkward it had been. There had been no doubt after that moment that they would never be together in the way that he'd hoped in the past.

"You're thinking about the kiss, aren't you?" she asked not the least bit nervous.

"I am. It was weird. I got my answer from the Universe, it seems."

"We both did, Jim."

"What if you made the wrong choice, Nyota?"

"What if… I guess we'll never know. I choose Spock every time."

"Why? I know I've asked it a lot, but why do you choose him, not just over me but over any other man in the known Universe?"

"Because, he's my nail, all would be lost without him," she leaned in and grabbed Jim's hand.

"And me?" Jim asked, feeling tears starting to form at his eyes. He didn't dare shed them; he didn't want her to see how emotional he was getting about the subject. But when she looked up at him with those large, doe eyes and they smiled he lost his war with his feelings and let one tear fall down his cheek.

"You're my friend," she pulled him into a hug and they embraced and he allowed a couple more tears to slide down his cheeks. When they pulled apart, both of them felt another presence in the observation deck and looked up at the door. Spock was standing there, his hair mussed and slightly sticking up in the back and his eyes a bit drowsy. He was wearing thin, black pants and a meditation robe that didn't cover a small greenish hickey that was placed on his clavicle low enough to be covered by his uniform shirt.

"Do not let my presence interrupt your conversation," Spock said his voice a bit hoarse from sleep.

"Join us, Spock," Jim said, pulling another bottle seemingly from nowhere. It was a different brew, a chocolate stout that Jim knew his XO particularly enjoyed. Spock quirked an eyebrow and pulled a chair closer to the table. Jim opened the beverage for him and clinked his bottle against Spock's. The Vulcan took a small sip and closed his eyes slightly, enjoying the flavor of chocolate and fermented grain. Nyota thought she saw him almost smile.

"We were discussing you, if you must know," Nyota said.

"Indeed, I heard the last few comments as I was sojourning down the hallway," Spock quirked and eyebrow.

"You have such a sticky beak," she said tapping his nose with her left forefinger; it was a term her people used for 'nosy.'

"You have often referred to my curiosity as such, though I do not see how the idiom applies, as I am not avian and have no beak nor is it sticky."

"And you choose this?" Jim joked causing Nyota to laugh.

"Every time," Nyota giggled again causing both men to endear her more, "excuse me," Nyota said and stood to walk closer to the clear window and observe the stars, leaving Jim and Spock alone.

"You're a lucky bastard, you know that. Don't let that one slip through your fingers, ever. Because, if she does, know that I…" Spock stopped him and looked over at Nyota's form as she watched the stars. She was so slight and beautiful and vulnerable, yet strong and warm like a supernova.

"I comprehend your meaning, Jim. And know that if I ever do allow her to slip through my fingers that I would have no other man but you as the one that takes her hand. She deserves no other."

"I think I should be the judge of that," Nyota said, turning around and walking towards the table, "You're all that I want in a lover," she kissed Spock on the lips, " and Jim, you are all that I want in a friend," she said and kissed Jim on the cheek. She turned around, walking over to a sofa in the middle of the observation deck and plopping down and spreading her legs across the expanse of the furniture. Both men looked at one another and smirked.

"Now, who's going to give me a foot massage?" she said jokingly waggling her dainty toes at both men.

It was a tight race, but Spock won.

Every time.


End file.
